Sleepless in Manhattan
by Docnerd89
Summary: S4 AU It's been a month since Kate was shot. A month since he's heard from her. A month since he's been sleepless in Manhattan.
1. Chapter 1

Sleepless in Manhattan : Chapter 1

* * *

Rick Castle was having a not-so-great summer so far. It had been a month since the love of his life was shot. A bullet to the heart of the keeper of his heart - Kate Beckett. Like something he would write. But this wasn't fiction. It was fact. The cold, hard truth of an event that shook his world as he knew it.

Kate had survived the shooting. She survived her heart being ripped by a bullet only to then, metaphorically, rip his heart to shreds. She had asked for space and time. He wasn't sure if that was what she needed. Heck, if it was up to him, he'd shower her with tender, loving care. But the decision wasn't his. It was hers. Her life. Not his own personal jungle gym.

And so he had agreed, unwittingly, to have his heart wrung out, stamped on and passed through a shredder. He started out counting the hours. Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and today - today marked the one month anniversary of the shooting.

One would think he had learned by now; facing rejection from her since the first time he met her. Rejection time and over. Having it rubbed in his face in the form of square-jawed Feeb-dweeb Sorenson, then Demming the Schlemming, and then Dr. Josh Davidson. Perfect cardiothoracic surgeon, saviour of the unfortunate, and flaunter of great hair - Davidson.

One would think he had learned by now. But the thing is, his bruised, battered, and broken heart also recognised that today marked the anniversary of her survival. And his confession. He hoped against hope and believed in magic. In miracles. In life and love and - in Kate. He believed in Kate. Even as he wondered if she believed in him.

* * *

Alexis Castle frowned as she passed her father's office. She knew what was going on. Even if she didn't quite understand why. Her father had been moping ever since Kate had been shot. That was understandable, of course. He'd only been in love with her since forever and a half. And now she had been shot. It was traumatizing for everybody, but especially him. Especially him - her partner who waited, and waited, and waited to hear from Kate.

Alexis knew her father was one for grand gestures. Were it anybody else, he'd have taken to sky writing, followed her till she caved in, bothered her until she saw his way. But this wasn't just anybody else. This was Kate. Therein lay the problem. The woman was extraordinary. The hurt, therefore, was extraordinarily stronger.

She watched him lose a little more of himself every day. Each passing day that he didn't hear from her was another yet day she rejected him. Each passing night as even sleep rejected him. His frown lines getting deeper, his eyes becoming duller, his magic withering away in the ever looming shadow of a tragedy. But today it was worse. She wasn't stupid. A quick mental calculation told her it had been a month since the incident. It upset her to see him this way. He looked tired, worn, sad. _Sad?_ He looked absolutely gutted.

A month since the shooting. A month since she saw one of her role-models almost die. A month since her father started losing himself. A month, she decided, was enough. It was too much. She had to do something. Something besides trying to make her father see past his love induced singular vision and the dangers it led him to - he'd argued with gusto and she understood. Or maybe she didn't understand, but he looked more alive, more himself when he defended his love. She wouldn't begrudge him that. She didn't want that part of him destroyed. That was what made him special. Something besides trying to convince him to get professional help - his expression was a mixture of indignation, hurt, and bewilderment was enough to abandon those attempts.

She had to do something. And so she did.

Alexis picked up the phone and dialled a number she had heard probably a billion times in the last few months. She snuck into the kitchen, almost whispering like it was a great secret, hoping with all her heart, that it would help.

* * *

Kate was in pain. Everything hurt. It hurt more when she moved. It hurt when she tried to laugh, or cry, or breathe. She couldn't even grieve in peace, dammit. She knew she had to get better. Get back to work and send those sons-of-bitches to hell. Or behind bars. Whichever she could manage within the limits of the law that she had sworn to uphold.

She was having a terrible summer. Summers had generally been bad ever since Castle became a part of her life. But as bad summers go, this one took the cake.

Roy Montgomery, her mentor who had taken the mantle of father figure, had been killed. That, after she found out about his involvement in her mother's murder. He had helped her become a great detective. He had looked out for her, patted her on the back, reprimanded her, pushed her forward, held her back. He was her precinct father. His way of atonement for his sins ultimately led to his death. It made Kate's head spin to wonder whether it was all a ploy. Whether it was just guilt that made him help her through the injustice, or a fondness for her that made him look after her the way he did. Look _at_ her the way her father would. To question the sanctity of their relationship had cut her deep. She had forgiven him. Yet she had lost him.

Then there was the fight she had with her partner, her 'friend' before the hangar. Her partner who was immature and a rule breaker and a jackass. Rick Castle, who could be good and kind and loyal. Her partner who proved his loyalty for the upteenth time when he showed up even after she thought they were over. Her partner who loved her.

She missed him. As if the damage from the bullet didn't hurt enough, her heart hurt from missing him. From wanting him near her. From wanting to be home, near him. His loft, or hers. The precinct. Her home. Her Castle.

But she couldn't let him - let any of them - see her like this. This broken shell of her former self. Couldn't let him live with the danger that came by being someone important to her. Couldn't let him love her. She couldn't laugh at her stupidity. Couldn't cry out of self pity. Couldn't take a deep breath to help cleanse her soul of his soul. Couldn't. Couldn't. Couldn't.

So she ambled to the couch in her father's cabin. She could do that much, at least, after a month. Her tubes and drains were gone. Her stitches removed, and wound healed - if a little unsightly. Kate could function on her own. She'd sent her father packing as soon as she became independent - with the promise to keep him updated and his threat that he would return clingier if she didn't.

Slowly sliding onto the couch, she angled her whole body towards the little table that lay beside it. Her hand rested on her chest, as it always did these days. As if to keep her chest from opening up and her heart from tumbling out. She was glad she did. The gasp she couldn't hold back didn't even make her flinch in pain. When she turned on the radio, she was glad that her hand kept her heart from leaping out. Because what she heard seemed to have jolted her poor, static, healing muscle.

"You can call me Rick," sighed the deep, sad sounding voice.

_Castle_.

* * *

**Author's note**: Hello again!

First off, rebuilding is on indefinite hiatus, but *not* abandoned. I'm blocked for it, and that's a terrible feeling. Sorry!

Second, this has been nagging me since forever, and I'd avoided writing or posting it for so long because I felt guilty about not posting rebuilding. But maybe this'll help get my mojo back. This is loosely based on Sleepless in Seattle, which I'm sure you're figured out. I hope you like it.

Third; my deepest gratitude goes out to fembot, who most importantly makes me *want* to continue writing.

Fourth: **Disclaimer:** I am not affiliated with Castle in any way other than being a loyal (more or less broke) fan.

*whispers* Fifth: My Alexis remains nice.


	2. Chapter 2

Sleepless in Manhattan – Chapter 2

* * *

Castle shook his head, trying to get it together at the look on Alexis's face. Which then made Alexis tear up because of course his eyes looked suddenly hopeful. Of course, when he saw her holding the phone to her ear, looking wary, and unsure, he thought it was Kate on the line. Now, if his head were the one in charge, he'd have realized it was unlikely that Kate would be calling up at the loft, rather than on his cell. He'd have realized that Alexis wouldn't look this worried - although, he wasn't so sure anymore after she'd expressed her concerns about him working with Kate.

But in his grieving state he didn't realize all of that. And if her sad doe-eyes got to him, naturally she had inherited them from him. His probably looked a whole lot more pathetic, given his current state of emotion.

Taking in her almost-tears, he willed himself to be a good father and steeled himself to whatever it was that seemed to have distressed her so greatly. He pointedly eyed the phone that was still clearly on.

"Please don't be mad, daddy."

He blinked. It was almost never a good thing when her sentences started like that, or when 'dad turned into 'daddy'. Clearing his throat, he prayed for strength and tried to smile. It probably came out a grimace, but hey, he was trying. In what he hoped was a calm and soothing voice, he asked her, "What's wrong, Pumpkin?"

Using the moniker was probably a good, albeit unintentional move because she suddenly looked less hesitant. It struck him a little painfully that she felt hesitant at all. Raising his arm, he beckoned her close and gave her a one armed hug.

"You won't be mad?" she asked in a quiet voice that was a strange mixture of naive and mature.

He should have said he would try not to be. That he would first hear what she had to say. Listen to her side of the story. Instead he shook his head mutely. He didn't have the energy to be mad. Especially not at his kind-hearted daughter who had been putting up with him lately.

Alexis answered with a beaming smile, thrust the phone into his other hand, smacked a kiss to his cheek, and high-tailed it out of his office, leaving a thoroughly gob-smacked Castle in her wake.

"Hello?" said the deep voice in his right palm.

Castle looked down at the phone, just remembering that it was there at all. Warily he lifted it to his ear, and answered. "Hello?"

"Your daughter called up the station to help you."

"The police station?"

"No, the radio station. I'm Dr. Susan Williams, and you're live on our late night show."

Well, that explained Alexis' earlier actions. Should he be upset? He was just confused at the moment.

"Hello?"

"Uh, yeah. Look, I think there's been a mistake."

"It's not a mistake that your daughter is worried about you, and scared for you."

Castle drew a breath. Oh God. He was a terrible father. "She said that?" he managed to choke out.

"She did," said the voice. Dr. Susan. He could almost imagine her nodding as she did.

"I didn't mean to upset her. I'll talk to her about it."

"Do you know why she's upset?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "She doesn't want me to get hurt."

"She doesn't want you to _be_ hurt. She wants her dad back."

"I should talk to her."

"Would it hurt so much to talk to us?"

"Oh no. I often go airing my dirty laundry in public," he said, feeling oddly good about being sarcastic. Good that he was anything besides sad. Which was a little sad.

"We don't know who you are. To us, you're just another sleepless guy calling in from Manhattan."

"What, like Sleepless in Seattle? My life is not a rom-com."

Dr. Susan chuckled. "She did say you're funny. Or you were before."

"She told you what happened?" He whispered, closing his eyes.

"No. But she told us something happened and it made you different."

"She doesn't understand. You wouldn't understand."

"I may not. But you'd get it out of your system. And maybe then, _you'll_ understand."

He considered her words in silence. He'd never get Kate out of his system. But this feeling of dread? Of desperation and longing? Maybe. Maybe.

"What do you say, Sleepless in Manhattan?"

He sighed in resignation. "You can call me Rick."

"Okay, Rick."

"I don't know what to say. Where should I start?"

"I often find it easiest to start at the beginning. Helps weave the story together."

Castle choked out a laugh. "Yeah. Yeah, that's usually a good idea."

"So, where does it begin?"

His deep, loud breath echoed through the phone.

"This particular story? It begins with a girl."

"Doesn't it always?" said Dr. Susan in a flat voice that made him chuckle again.

"Always," he breathed.

* * *

"Always," the voice on the radio crackled.

Kate was exhibiting a level of control she didn't even know she possessed. If it weren't for her needing to hear his every word, his every breath; she'd be a writhing mess by now. But the tears were flowing freely down the sharpened angles of her cheeks. A quiet cry, out of sync with her stuttering heart. She didn't even know if she was still breathing. She could feel the dull edges of pain that usually were sharp swords picking at her every cell. So she wasn't numb with pain. No.

With a voice, no louder than the swaying tree outside her house, she whispered into the lonely air, the words that would go unheard. "Always."

* * *

"Tell me about her."

"Oh," he breathed. "I could write a dozen novels about her and words would still be inadequate."

Kate smiled in spite of her tears. Had to bite down on her lip to squelch the laughter. His baritone voice broke the impenetrable barrier she had built in month since her recovery. What was her measly shield against the strong forces of a battle-ready Castle? She had the sudden urge to swing her arms into the air and twirl like a weight had been lifted. It hadn't. Had it?

"She's beautiful. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen. When she smiles - all I want is to capture those moments and then give them back to her when she's sad. She's beautiful even when she's sad. But when she smiles? Yeah, that's magic."

"Rick, that's beautiful."

"And she's kind of mean," he said.

Kate could tell he was kidding. She could hear his pout. Her brow still scrunched up in confusion.

"Mean how?" Dr. Susan asked.

Kate held her breath for the answer. Had she really been mean to him? Well, she knew she had. But it was always in jest, or in the heat of the moment. He knew that.

"She tells me off when I stare at her. Calls me creepy. That's just unfair."

Kate huffed out a laugh, her finally dry eyes tearing up again.

Dr. Susan laughed too. "That is a little creepy."

"Eh. I can't help it. She's gorgeous. What's a guy to do?"

"Oh, poor you."

"I know, right?"

"What else?"

Castle got up from his chair, and settled onto the couch, his head pillowed on his arm as he stared unseeingly at the ceiling.

"She's crazy smart most of the time. She's so intelligent, she could be anything she wants to be. She's so good at her job. She's well-read; into arts and sports. And she's totally a closet nerd. I mean – she knows her comics. Tell me she isn't the perfect woman."

Kate rolled her eyes.

"I see how those are important things to know."

Castle laughed. "She's so good at reading people. I don't know how she does it. She can spot a lie and a liar from a mile. And she knows, instinctively, when someone is being sincere. I have to put on my best poker face with her.

"So you lie to her often?"

"No. I've lied to her before if I thought it would be in her best interests."

Therein lay the problem. He had no right.

"And you think you can decide what's in her best interests?"

He paused at that. "I don't know. I'd like to think so. She deserves to be happy. I guess I don't have the right to decide. But I have the right to care."

Then there's that. _What's a girl to do? _Kate sniffed.

"Well, Rick. On that note, I'm afraid we've run out of time today. Do you feel any better?"

He did. He'd felt lighter than he had in days. Days of not talking to her had also become days of not talking about her. It had hurt to keep thinking about her at every moment, let alone talk about it. He felt the anger ebb. The wave of resentment that had crept closer with each passing day had just receded a bit.

"Yes. Thank you?"

"Thank your daughter."

Castle smiled. "She's always been smarter than her old man."

"And – how about we talk more tomorrow?"

"Um." Did he want to? Yes, it had helped to talk about her. It was good free therapy. But more? "I don't know –" he said uncertainly.

"Remember, if it helps you, it helps your daughter."

That was a low blow. "Okay, should I call or…?"

"Don't worry. Your daughter gave us the number when she called in. I'll call you tomorrow, a little earlier so we can talk more."

"Yay." His flat reply seemed to have fallen on deaf ears.

"Thank you all for tuning into the late show with Dr. Susan. We'll continue this segment going into tomorrow's episode of Sleepless in Manhattan."

Kate turned off her radio. She'd had her fill. She had been missing Castle and she wanted to hear his voice, right? Now she had. And that was enough. It was. She wouldn't tune in tomorrow because she didn't need to. She knew what he was probably going to say. He'd extol her virtues to the world. Maybe give away her identity. Her life would be ruined and she'd hate him. Or maybe he'd reveal that he had learned to hate her by the end of the story. Maybe that's what she deserved.

Even as the dark thoughts tried to permeate her mind, the light that broke through the smoky haze drove them away.

_Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate. Stay with me._

Was it better not to know? She was resigned to the fact that she had a target on her back. She'd live with it. She'd fight back. But everyone else? Everyone she cared about? They were all better off with her being far away. Safer too. Right?

Then why – why did she feel safer today, for the first time in a month?

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you, for the empathy and sympathy on it-that-should-not-be-named. Thank you, fembot, for all your help on this.

Hope you enjoyed this. Cheers!


	3. Chapter 3

Sleepless in Manhattan – Chapter 3

* * *

Ever since her recovery began, Kate had noticed that there were good days and bad days. Today had been a good day. Her usually tight, achy muscles felt loose even after her walk and exercises. The yoga session seemed to have rejuvenated her enough to prepare a healthy vegetarian meal; veggies that she had gotten on a surprisingly pain-free walk to the local grocer. The steam from the hot shower rose in swirls around her, making her just light headed enough to feel a quaint sense of tranquility. She didn't even feel like shooting the bird that usually incessantly chirped away, perched upon the branch outside her living room window.

She felt relatively better. Jim Beckett hadn't badgered her about calling her friends or returning to the city. He hadn't placed a world of guild on top of her preexisting burdens. He'd just shared an anecdote from his day, and told her he loved her. It had been a good day.

It didn't have anything to do with Sleepless in Manhattan. Not a thing. After all, she wasn't going to listen to him – it, she wasn't going to listen to it today.

Kate found herself decidedly averting her gaze from the little radio in the evening. The tiny black box perched upon the end table next to the sofa. It looked so innocent, when it was almost mocking in its disquieting silence. Dr. Susan's late show would be coming on soon. She knew because she listened to it sometimes. The tragic, romantic stories – the ones that weren't her story, were good entertainment. Not hers though. His? Theirs? No. Not theirs. There was no _theirs_, there was no _them_. She could do this.

She kept telling herself she could do it. Every time she passed from one room to the other, trying to get through her mundane non-chores, getting closer and closer to the radio, she told herself she could do it. She was Kate Beckett. Strong-willed Kate. Stubborn Kate. She could sit with her glass of fresh orange juice, right next to the radio and not turn it on. She was the boss her. She was in control.

She sipped at her cup and stared at the wall. The wall had a nice little painting on it. She admired the little details in the painting. It was a good painting that her father had had for years. Next to the painting was a little hanging potted plant. Next to the potted plant was the clock. It wasn't a particularly special looking clock, but it suited the general décor well. The clock read ten seconds after ten.

Kate rolled her eyes and turned on the radio.

"Welcome to the late show with Dr. Susan. I'm Dr. Susan, and today we're continuing our talk with Rick, our very own Sleepless in Manhattan. Hi, Rick."

"Hi," Castle replied.

How could one syllable have the power to make her soft? To make her feel so many things all at once. Strangely though, Kate didn't feel overwhelmed. It felt natural to hear his voice and feel him with her. It felt right. If she didn't know any better, she'd think he had spoken directly to her. If she closed her eyes, it wasn't difficult to imagine him. His floppy bangs coming to rest on his forehead. So many times in the past she had suppressed the urge to gently push them back, to feel their softness glide through her fingers. She imagined that he would look at her with a gentle smile on his face and a gleam in his eyes that radiated understanding, and awe. The raw intimacy of shared secrets. His lips would twitch, first on one side and then on the other, growing into something he couldn't quite suppress. Not that he was one to suppress his feelings. No, that was her. Here he was, letting them all out. Kate couldn't help but feel a little envious.

"You were telling us your story. It began with the girl," Dr. Susan reminded him while simultaneously bringing the audience up to speed.

Castle let out a low chuckle. "Yeah. It began with the girl. We met at work, though we work at separate places."

"What does that mean?"

"She met me at my job while doing her job."

"And was it love at first sight."

"It's hard to say in retrospect that it wasn't. I don't know. There were a million different things over a million different moments that made me fall in love with her. I don't know when it first happened. But I was definitely taken in by her the moment I saw her. She was…different."

"Different than she is now?"

"Huh. Yes. But that's not what I meant. She was different that anyone I had known before."

"So you met at work?"

It was fairly easy to recognize that Dr. Susan was coaxing the story out of him today. He didn't seem to mind. In fact, it was probably a good idea. If he were allowed to talk about Kate uninhibited, it would probably last a while.

"Yeah. Our paths crossed because of work, and I was intrigued. I was drawn in. I was already in love with the idea of her." He paused. "And she hated me."

Kate couldn't help but smile. It was kind of true. And kind of not. She forgot sometimes how completely unaware he was about the nature and extent of the impact he had on her. Before he had even met her, he played a starring role in her life. Richard Castle's books helped her through the most difficult period of her impromptu and premature transformation for fun-loving girl to heart-broken woman. He gave her strength. He gives her strength.

"I just wanted to know more about her. At first, she was just a mystery I wanted to solve. I don't like unsolved mysteries. It drives me nuts."

"You're saying she drove you nuts?"

"Heck, no," Castle said, sounding amused and completely proud of himself. "I drove _her_ nuts. It was awesome."

Kate huffed out a laugh.

"Lovely. I take it you pushed her buttons?"

She rolled her eyes. If ever there was an understatement to be made.

"Hah! Yes. I toed the line several times. But I crossed it a few times too. She was kind enough to forgive me. I'd like to think that I eventually grew on her."

Like a fungus.

"Like a fungus."

Apparently distance didn't stand a chance of interfering with their mental synchronicity. If only Castle knew, he'd call it fate. Kate had at least resigned to accept that it was a deep-rooted connection.

_Connection. Conjecture._

She involuntarily smiled.

Castle continued after a sigh that seemed to at once convey longing and contentment. "See, I pulled her pig tails so often, that she eventually got used to it. And you could see the change in her. You could feel it."

"I thought you liked her as she was. Why change her?"

"Ah, don't get me wrong. The change wasn't in her personality. The change was that she stopped holding back parts of her personality. She started letting loose a little. She laughed more, and teased me often. If being the butt of all jokes brings out the coy little smile she smiles just for me? – well, then I will gladly be the ass."

"I don't know if that's sweet or weird," said Dr. Susan.

Kate laughed. _I'm a wise ass, not a jackass."_ Only Castle.

She always thought that his smug taunts and dopey behavior were the result of an inherently bumbling nature, but now she wondered how often it was intentional. She knew he could play the part. He had learned to do that because of his work. He had learned to do that because of his life. He thought she was guarded, but she knew he was too. She wondered how often and how far this man would go just to see her smile.

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks for the lovely feedback! Enjoy!

Thank you, Bot, for having my back.


	4. Chapter 4

Sleepless in Manhattan – Chapter 4

* * *

"She loves coffee."

"Who doesn't love coffee?" Dr. Susan asked.

Castle laughed. "Valid point. But she's addicted to the stuff." He did realize that he was often the one fuelling her addiction. It was their thing. Their greeting; their morning call. Their unspoken caresses, and hugs, and kisses. The only way to communicate love without communicating at all. It was his way of saying, '_Good morning, my heart._'

"And I'm addicted to watching her smile as I put a fresh cup in front of her," he said softly, closing his lids against the sudden heaviness of his eyes. He missed her so much.

"She got used to having you around. Did you ever feel like she took you for granted?"

Did he? There were times when he did. Times like when he got sidelined once Demming entered the picture. When he tried to come to terms with the fact that Kate would never feel for him the way she did for Demming; the male version of herself. Demming was a handsome, kind, and good cop. He didn't have two ex-wives. He didn't have a public life. He didn't have a playboy image. At the time, Castle thought Demming had Kate. And so Castle had tried to bow out gracefully. For what felt like the first time in his life, he did something that he thought was selfless, for someone other than his daughter or his mother.

It wasn't completely altruistic. He was protecting his heart. The last time he had let true feeling take over his soul, before Kate, was Kyra. After that he'd resorted to the Merediths and Ginas of the world. It wasn't that he didn't love them. He did, but not quite entirely. He loved Kate entirely. With every sad little cell in his body.

He had been right and he had been wrong. On returning from the summer at the Hamptons, he realized a few things. He realized that Kate wasn't a thing to be had. She wasn't a possession, but she certainly was a treasure. He realized that Demming hadn't been enough.

Castle had made a mistake. The same mistake he made with Kyra. It sliced through him like a machete through tape. He should have stayed. He should have fought. He should have. But he didn't. He was too late. And then there was Josh.

"Rick?"

"No, I don't think she took me for granted. I think she didn't take me seriously. I didn't give her enough opportunity to."

"You played the role of joker."

"I played many roles. The part of me I intended for her to see got lost in translation."

"Did you intend for her to see it?"

"I-" He didn't know the answer to that. "Not initially, I don't think so. But she caught glimpses of it. She saw the potential, I guess. Eventually I stopped being so guarded with her."

"Just as she did with you?"

"No. I don't think it was quite as simple for her. The times that I saw her, were times that she was vulnerable. When she didn't have strength to keep her guard up. Times when I found barely-there gaps in her walls."

"She wasn't open with you?"

"She wasn't open with anyone. But she didn't try very hard to shove back when I pushed. The latter worked in my favor."

"Pushing?"

"_Being there_ to push. Being there to make a stand with her."

* * *

Kate sucked in a breath.

"Wow, what happened to the two of you?"

"I wish I knew," Castle said with a shaky voice.

Kate wished she knew, too.

When had things gotten so complicated, and why? The latter wasn't a very difficult question. She felt responsible for it for the most part. He was right. She was overly guarded. But he hadn't started out how he is now. He'd grown up. It was like a miraculous transformation from smug, playboy, doesn't give a damn, asshole-Castle, into this gem of a man. The transformation wasn't triggered by her shooting. She had seen the change blossoming in him slowly. But until now, she was unaware of the depth of it. Or maybe she was aware after the bomb scare. Or after he had tried to will his body heat to her as their bodies threatened to turn to brittle crystal. Or after he risked his life to stand by her and saved New York by sheer dumb-luck and a tremendous amount of courage she wouldn't have expected of him. That's when she became aware. Now, it was obvious. Now Kate accepted it. Felt it and knew it from every fiber of her being.

Dr. Susan's words interrupted her train of thought. "Rick, we have a caller on the line for you."

Kate heard his sudden indrawn breath, and her heart stung for him because she knew he hoped it was her.

"Caller, you're on the air," Dr. Susan said.

"Hi, Dr. Susan, I love your show. I'm a long time listener"

"Thank you. We're glad you're tuning in."

"Hi, Rick. I'm Mindy. I think your story is incredibly romantic. The way you speak about her gives us an idea of what kind of a _man_ you are." Mindy purred. Kate knew it was the sort of thing Castle was used to. It was the sort of thing she had learned to expect from women fawning for Castle. "It sounds like you two have been through so much. It's not just what you're saying, but how you're saying it."

"Thank you," Castle said awkwardly. His voice was unable to mask his disappointment; though Kate didn't think that many would notice. Why would they? They didn't know him.

Mindy's annoying bedroom voice continued through the box. "It's sad that you two aren't together." Kate could imagine a Cheshire grin on her face. _Don't sound disappointed or anything, Mindy._

"It's complicated," Castle replied.

"Why? What's her name?"

It seemed like the air left Castle's lung, swam through the microphone and wires and what-not before it came through the radio and shot straight through her body. It felt so powerful, like it was a physical blow, it had her leaning back. "Kate," he whispered.

"Kate…?"

He cleared his throat. "Just Kate. She's – her name is Kate."

"Rick and Kate," Mindy tested.

Kate rolled her eyes, wondering if she was imagining the resentment in Mindy's voice when she said Kate's name.

"She'd wonder why my name comes first," Castle said, sounding falsely amused. Like he was trying to lighten things up.

"Well, if I had a guy talk about me the way you do about her, I'd be working on putting the names together."

"Uh. Okay?" he replied even more awkwardly, so that Kate had to suppress a laugh.

"You know, it makes me sad to hear how sad you are. You deserve to be with someone less complicated."

Subtle.

"Uhuh."

"I'm sure you could find someone who could make you," Mindy paused for dramatic effect, "really happy."

The bitch. Trying to seduce him on the radio show. Taking advantage of his vulnerable state. How dare she? Kate was seething. Didn't Mindy see that Rick – Castle wasn't interested? That he was put off by this plastic pod person?

"Mindy, thank you," he said decidedly.

"So you agree that you need someone less complicated?" Mindy asked hopefully. As if.

"No. Look, thanks for the advice; it's nice of you," Castle started. Kate snorted so loudly she almost scared herself. "But I'm not here to look for a consolation prize. I'm not here to move on. I don't think I could if I tried. I'm here so I can come to terms with some things. So that I can be better for my daughter. Hopefully so that I can be whole again. To love wholly."

To love her wholly. He didn't need to clarify that.

"Mm. Kate's a lucky girl," Mindy drawled.

"Thank you for calling, Mindy," Dr. Susan said as she cut the call.

"She's more 'vampire romance' than 'whodunit'," Castle pondered aloud.

"Huh?"

"Nothing, never mind," he mumbled.

Kate bit back a smile.

"So, Kate," said Dr. Susan, clearly hoping for me.

"That's all you need to know," he said knowingly.

"Okay. At least we can ease up on the pronouns."

Castle laughed heartily for the first time today. It made her smile, as she stroked her thumb over her scar. She hadn't even realized until then that her hand was back on her chest again. Always on guard.

"And on that happy note, we conclude today's episode of Sleepless on Manhattan, on the late show. Tune in for more tomorrow to know the rest of the enthralling story."

The show went into its closing music but Rick was still on the line, sobering up from his laughter. He wasn't entirely sure whether the tears in his eyes were from laughter or misery.

"Rick, are you still on the line?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"I'd like to thank you for being a good sport about this, and I do really think it'll help you to let it all out." Dr. Susan's voice had a note of understanding in it that Rick thought must be the reason that so many people must open up to her.

"I'm willing to try anything at this point."

"Now, there's another thing we'd like to address."

"Should I be worried?"

"Oh no. Not particularly worrying. You've been getting fan mail."

Well, yeah. He's been getting fan mail for years now. This wasn't news.

"Um, okay."

"So where should we send it?"

"Oh." He blinked. _Oh!_ "You've been getting fan mail, for me, at the station?"

"Yes." she said slowly as if Castle were being thick.

"I'll have someone pick it up from your offices tomorrow," he said quickly.

"Oh, we could have it sent over."

"I don't really want to divulge my identity," Castle said frankly.

"Ah," Dr. Susan said. It was one syllable but it was laced much too strongly with understanding than he was comfortable with. "We'll have someone keep it ready. It's not like an imposter will go through the trouble of piles of fan mail, but maybe give us a ring once he gets here."

Piles? "Just how much is there?"

"There's some. You seem to have attracted a few believers of romance."

Castle snorted. "Like Mindy."

"We have a wider reach than you'd imagine. A mixed audience. You may be surprised."

If only Dr. Susan knew. Come to think of it, she might have guessed. Castle suspected she was a smart woman. She'd know then that he was used to fans. Not much there to surprise him. But then – fan mail was how it all started, wasn't it? Flowers For Your Grave, and In A Hail Of Bullets which ended up being random picks by a jealous brother inevitably led to Kate and Rick finding each other. It was fate. It started with fan mail. So yeah, he'd read it.

"Bring it on," he said, ending the call.


	5. Chapter 5

Sleepless in Manhattan - Chapter 5

* * *

Kate had almost chewed her lip raw. She was sat on the patio, turning the phone in her hand over and over. She just couldn't decide. It had been a month, after all. And a month of silence comes with repercussions.

* * *

Alexis quietly approached her father, still thinking about how she could broach the subject. He was sitting in his office at his desk; his chin resting on his interlaced hands; elbows on the table, supporting his weight. It seemed like he was staring out into space yet again, until –

"What's up, Pumpkin?" his voice startled her.

"How are you doing, dad?"

"I'm okay," he said, meeting her eyes as she walked to stand in front of him.

Alexis stood awkwardly for a minute before sucking in a large breath and letting out a barrage of words. "Dad, I'm sorry if I crossed a line. I didn't want to butt in but I was worried that you were becoming a shell of a person, and I didn't want you to be that guy. You're not that guy. You're an awesome dad, and you're a wonderful person, and you don't deserve to be depressed. But I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't have called the radio, and I did, and I'm sorry, and – "

"Pumpkin, slow down. Take a breath," Castle said, as he stood to take two steps towards her and pulled her into a comforting hug. "I'm not mad, Alexis. I was a little surprised, is all."

"But you should be mad. I mean, you're my dad. You're a grown-up, sometimes –"

"Hey," Castle interrupted, trying to sound indignant.

"-I should at least have spoken to you first, but I just didn't know how," Alexis completed, sounding frustrated.

"You've got to punish me. Tell me I can't go on my date with Ashley."

"What? That would be punishing Ashley more than you," Castle chuckled.

"Dad," Alexis huffed.

"Honey, I don't want to punish you. I feel good after speaking with Dr. Susan."

Alexis stepped back and eyed him skeptically.

"Okay, so not quite, but I'm getting there."

"If you don't punish me, I'll punish myself. Grounded for a month." Alexis crossed her arms and stood defiantly.

"What? That is completely ridiculous."

"Fine, then you come up with something."

He huffed. "Fine. A mission."

Huh. She was intrigued. "Go on."

"You've got to go to the radio station's office and collect all that fan mail. And you have got to do it under the alias, Harper Rodgers."

"That's it?"

"Take it or leave it."

"Okay, deal," said Alexis beaming at him for the first time in days. He pulled her in for a bear hug. "I'm so proud of you, dad," she said softly.

"Isn't that my line?"

It meant a lot to Alexis that he was trying at all. He knew a little of Kate's story from what Castle and Kate herself had shared with her. She knew how Jim Beckett had turned to alcohol after the death of his wife and how it had affected their once happy family. Alexis' family was not the same. Her mother hadn't died, but she was never a serious entity. Meredith had her own little space in their family dynamic. And Alexis had Martha. But ever since she was born, Alexis and her father were the basic family unit. The two of them against the evil forces of the universe.

"Works both ways. Love you. I'm gonna go get that mail now. Bye!" she said and sped off.

"Love you, too," Castle yelled after her.

* * *

Having finally worked up the courage, Kate selected the number, hit call, and waited impatiently as the phone rang.

"You are in a world of trouble," said the voice sternly.

"Lanie, I'm sorry," Kate said softly.

"I am so mad at you."

"I know, Lanie. I know. And you have every right to be. But I didn't – I couldn't cope with it. I needed –"

"Space and time," Lanie interrupted, sounding exasperated. "Well, I'm mad, but I also understand."

"You do?" Kate's voices sounding unsure, unlike herself, even to herself.

"They don't call me your best friend for nothing. Who else is gonna put up with you?"

Kate huffed out a laugh in relief. "Just you, Lanie. Thank you," she said sincerely.

"You're welcome," came her reply. "Now for the important question."

"Yeah?"

"Would you have called me if you didn't hear Castle's tortured voice on the radio?"

Kate gasped. "How did –"

"Best friend," Lanie reiterated. "And I happen to like corny radio shows."

"I – I don't know, Lanie."

"Uhuh. I knew it. I can see how much our friendship means to you."

"Lanie, I'm really, really sorry. I wish I was different. I wish –" Kate's reply was cut off by the chuckling.

"Kate, seriously. Lighten up. Just pulling your leg. But, here's another question. Why are you calling me instead of Writer-boy. I can't believe I'm saying this, but maybe he should have been your first call back to civilization."

Lanie was greeted by silence.

Why couldn't she call Castle? At first, it was because she wasn't sure if Castle's declaration at the cemetery was made because she was dying. She'd heard it loud and clear on the radio, but she had already told him she hadn't heard it. She had lied. Betrayed his unerring trust in her. Truth be told, she was afraid to face that. Afraid to face the fallout. She was afraid that he was in danger because of her. She was afraid that he wouldn't want her any more. She was afraid about the intensity with which he did want her. She was afraid.

For the first time in her life, Kate felt like a coward.

"I can't."

"Why, Kate? You heard how he feels about you."

"I lied to him, Lanie," Kate said shakily. "He's never going to forgive me."

"Do you really believe that?" Lanie asked flatly, suggesting the opposite. "Honey," she said, her voice softening, "that man loves you. And sure, you guys have a lot of things you need to work through, but you'll get there."

"How will we get there? The woman he fell in love with – she's gone. I'm a coward. I'm broken. Fallen."

"Kate Beckett, do not sell yourself short. Reach out to him. You know he'll pick you up."

Kate closed her eyes to will the tears back. Castle wasn't the kind to give up. She knew he was loyal to a fault. Damian Westlake's case had proven as much.

"Listen, I'll have to let you go. I need to go to the local PT."

"Kate," Lanie chided.

"I'm not running away from this," Kate explained. "I'll think about it."

"And try to stay in touch? The boys miss you too, you know. We all do. We almost lost you, Kate. And then we did lose you, in a way," she said softly.

"I know," Kate said, feeling utterly guilty. "I miss you guys, too. I'm working on getting better."

"I know, honey. We know you're a fighter, and we love you for it. Now, go do your PT and you'll get back to kicking butt in no time," Lanie said, making Kate chuckle.

"Can't wait. Talk to you soon."

"Good girl," she said, ending the call.

Kate thought about her conversation with Lanie. She hadn't lied to Lanie; she did need to see her physiotherapist. But she had some time before she needed to leave.

She thought about how to approach Castle. Thought about how difficult it would be not to break down on the phone with him. About how inadequate it would seem to have this conversation over the phone and not face to face, but she wasn't quite ready for that yet.

She wondered about everyone at home. About how her boys were coping without her. About who the new captain would be. That inevitably led to thinking about Montgomery, which just made her sad, and so she moved on from that. Esposito and Ryan had lost their captain too. Kate wasn't there with them, and so they couldn't deal with it as a family. What would have happened to them if she had died too? Would they ever have forgiven her? She thought that they'd be angry that she didn't call, but that they would understand better than Castle would. It was more likely that they would forgive her for putting up a fight and coming out alive.

She wondered about Martha and Alexis. Alexis. The girl had watched her being shot in the chest, with her father right next to her, attempting to take the bullet for her. That couldn't have been easy. It would have been her fault, if Castle had been hurt that day. Her fault if Castle had died. She would never have forgiven herself, let alone hoping Alexis would forgive her.

There had been a few times when Castle had been in dangerous situations, but Kate had a feeling that Castle might not have been that forthcoming with Alexis. He was a great father. He would have done his best to protect his daughter from all things evil. And this was an evil even Kate had a tough time dealing with.

Kate had told Lanie that she would think about it. About reaching out to Castle. She hadn't lied. She realized now, that there were more lives at stake – if not in danger – than just hers. She had to be strong; strong enough to catch the man who shot her, and the man who had put a target on her back. To slay the dragon so she could have the life she wanted. Make her father proud, and her mother's death count for something.

Kate had to be the person whom Castle was in love with.

She had to figure out how.

* * *

**A/N: **Lol. Sorry. Jeez, guys. I know you want her to contact him. Patience. Hopefully it'll be worth it.

Thanks for all the lovely reviews. Sorry that I haven't been replying individually. Pressed for time. Life, eh?


	6. Chapter 6

Sleepless in Manhattan : Chapter 6

* * *

There was more fan mail than Castle had anticipated. Piles. Pfft. Dr. Susan wasn't kidding. He had decided to make a conscious effort to be more relaxed or to at least _seem_ more relaxed around his family. Besides, moping wasn't doing him any good. It wouldn't bring her back. And if she were back, she'd just be annoyed by it anyway. Nope. Better to be in a good frame of mind and hatch a clever plan to lure Beckett back to civilization. For that, he had to get his mind in a better place.

And so he had come up with the brilliant idea of converting what used to be 'movie marathon day' into 'let's sift through piles of fan mail day'. There was popcorn, candy, soda, unsolicited-advice-rendering-Martha – the whole shebang. Alexis looked genuinely happy. She'd even prepared bins; lovely organized daughter that she was.

"This is crap," he threw a note in the discard pile. "This is crap," he said, throwing another. "This is crap."

"Dad!" Alexis exclaimed, exasperated. "Are you even reading them?"

"Uhuh. I'm a speed reader, remember?"

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. How about this one then? Ahem. 'Dear Rick, you sound like a lovely gentleman, and fairly smart. Maybe it's time for you to move on. If so, I'm available and willing to entertain. I like reading, long walks on the beach, and martinis. My number's at the bottom. Love, John."

"Ha. Hahaha," Castle said flatly, as Alexis was practically crying with laughter, and Martha wasn't fairing any better.

"I don't know, darling. He sounds delightful."

"Eh. I'm more of a tequila guy myself," Castle said with a wink.

They went through a number of letters. Most went into the discard bin. A few went into the reply bin. They were really nice. Good advice, or just a kind word. Some very lewd ones made it into the fire place to light the next cold winter.

"This one is nice," Alexis started, only for Castle to interrupt.

"Hey! No more Johns, Jacks, or Peters, young lady, or I'm hiding the gummy bears," he threatened.

"No, no. It's good. Listen."

"Fine, you may continue."

Alexis huffed, but started reading.

"_Dear Rick,_

_You seem to think you know a lot about Kate. Maybe there are things that you don't know. Things that she doesn't want you to know. Or maybe she wants you to know them but she won't tell you – can't tell you. Maybe she thinks you're better off without her. Maybe she's feeling the same things you are, but she can't do anything about them. Because she cares about you, too. _

_I know what it's like to have been through a bad period. A storm. To be burned and then rise from the ashes. It sounds like it takes strength, but you don't feel strong at all. Far from it. Maybe she's just sheltering you from the next one._

_X_

_StormRise."_

A shiver went through his spine, right down to his fingers and toes. He gasped, remembering to breathe.

"You don't think –"

"Dad," Alexis said sadly, lowering her eyes.

"No – I just. You don't think this person knows who I am? _StormRise_? That can't be a coincidence. The storm series, and – and I'm writing Heat Rises."

"Nobody knows about Heat Rises except the three of us," Alexis pointed out.

"Oh," Castle said, slightly disappointed. It couldn't be – he couldn't; shouldn't hope.

"I just don't want your hopes to be crushed, dad. Again."

"They're – not," he hesitated. They weren't crushed because they were blooming. It sounded like her. It sounded wise, and sad, and – it's written by someone who's smart and well read. Maybe he was stretching it. But it sounded like her. And StormRise? Come on. "It's good advice though. I think I'll keep it aside to answer on the show. StormRise has obviously put a lot of thought into it, I can at least reply on air."

"If you're sure." Alexis didn't sound very sure. She sounded skeptical.

"I am," he said confidently, trying to shelve the discussion. "Now, give me more. More, child. More!"

"Jeez, fine, narcissistic loon," she muttered, but with a smile.

That was that, for now. But Castle noticed Martha looking at him thoughtfully. She subtly tilted her head, a knowing twinkle in her eyes, before returning to her own set of the pile. Hmm. Interesting.

* * *

Kate had left the window open about an hour ago. That was before she heard a car back fire. Before she broke out into a sweat, climbed up the stairs, far from any point of entrance.

She knew it was ridiculous. Knew it was the car backfiring. So she worked on calming herself down, and getting her breathing under control. She splashed her face with cold tap water and made her way down slowly. Only hesitating a little while on the way to the open window, she closed it slowly. The slight resistance causing her muscles to go taut – not in a painful way anymore, but not so comfortable. She was even able to laugh at herself a little.

It just caught her off guard. That was all.

That was all.

She made her way to the radio, and turned it on. Even before she heard his voice, she felt better. Better for knowing that she would soon be hearing his voice. And that was enough for now.

* * *

"Welcome to the late show with Dr. Susan. I'm Dr. Susan, and today we're continuing our talk with Rick, our very own Sleepless in Manhattan. Hi, Rick."

Wow, did she practice that?

"Hi, Dr. Susan."

"Where were we?"

"Dissecting my personal life."

"Ah, right. You were saying Kate wasn't a very open person."

"I was saying she had her reasons not to be."

"Right."

"I did some things that would have contributed to her thinking I was too immature. A couple of times. I have some degree of trouble with self control."

Kate had to suppress her laughter.

"I can't imagine," said Dr. Susan, sounding very much like she could imagine it.

"Both times I managed to wriggle my way back into her life. I realize now that both times, it was because she let me. Whether she knew it or not."

"Because she had gotten used to you pulling her pigtails."

"I think it went deeper than that. The second time was a little painful. She was seeing someone. I was seeing someone."

"Oh."

"I broke up with the person. It wasn't fair to her. I shouldn't have gotten into it in the first place."

"So why did you?"

"Broken heart, broken ego? I'm not sure."

"Did she break up her relationship, too?"

"No. I had the feeling that she was unhappy. She even confessed as much to me once. But Kate isn't one to give up. She gave it go."

"That must not have been easy."

"It wasn't," he said, his breath hitching. "I knew she went back to him at the end of the day. I knew she drew comfort from him. I knew that he got to hug her, and more. I knew that this guy was allowed to give her what I couldn't." Rick drew in a pained breath. "But I also knew that she told _me_ her secrets. I knew that she didn't need to say anything for me to know what she's feeling. She just had to look at me, and I her. I knew that she would come to me when it was time. She did."

Oh. Wow. Kate knew to some degree. Of course she did. But she didn't.

"You mean she did break up with him eventually?"

"No. I don't think so. I mean she came to me when -"

How was he going to describe it?

"-when the thing most important to her came up. And then we fought."

"Really?" Dr. Susan even let out a breath of air. "It sounds like you've spent forever pining over her, and then you fought?"

"Yes. And I would do it again, because it involved her safety. That is always going to take precedence."

"What kind of things is she involved in?"

"Important things."

"Okay. Okay, so you fought, and somehow it involved her safety?"

"Yes."

"And …?" she waited.

Kate waited too.

"And then she was fighting for her life."

Dr. Susan gasped.

Yeah, Kate would have thought it was a thrilling tale, too. If she hadn't lived through it.

"I told her I loved her. When she was dying, I told her I loved her."

"Oh God!"

It was slightly disconcerting that the usually calm Dr. Susan had her emotions all over the place.

"I am the _king_ of good timing," Castle said, laughing.

"What did she say?"

"She was kind of busy trying to live."

"But she survived."

"She's a survivor. She's a fighter."

"What did she say after?"

"She didn't remember."

"The incident?"

"That. And the fact that I love her. I haven't heard from her since."

"You mean she doesn't remember that you _told_ her you love her."

"Isn't that what I said?"

"No. There's a difference. I could recommend some light reading on good communication," Dr. Susan joked.

"Nah. I'm good. So, about the fan mail. I wanted to reply to one on the air. Can we do that?"

"Sure."

"Okay, so this is in reply to a thoughtful letter by a person pen-named 'StormRise'. I hear you. It sounds like something Kate would say, honestly. But those are just excuses. Not talking to me isn't protecting me. It hurts to not get to hear her voice. Not knowing whether she's okay or not. I don't know if she needs me, or wants me. I'm already in deep with her."

Kate could tell that Rick was working himself up. He took a pause to take a breath. She did too.

"I do know her. She is the strongest person I have the honor to know. I'm better off with her. I'm better with her. I said that before too, didn't I? Well, the best part of me was always her. She doesn't need to shelter me from any storm. She just has to let me be there. And if it comes down to it – no – when it comes down to it, we can face it together. That's what partners are for."

That's what partners are for.

_Is that what we are?_

Kate let the treacherous tear escape the confines of her eye and slide down her face.

"You still love her," Dr. Susan stated.

"Of course I still love her," he said softly, his emotions bleeding into his voice. It was so easy for him.

"After everything you've been through. Now she isn't talking to you. You're still willing to wait for her?"

"She said she needed space and time. When she gets back –"

"If she gets back?" Dr. Susan interrupted.

"_When_ she gets back, I will be here," he said resolutely.

"And if she isn't ready?"

"My daughter thinks I need to move on. I've been moping at home, so I don't blame her. But I don't agree either. This is the example I was to set. I don't want to move on. Kate is it for me. I won't force her into a relationship – at least, not a romantic one. We already are in a relationship. It's just a quirky, unconventional one. I wish we can be more, but I will reclaim what we already have. I'm going to fight for her. If that means I need to fight her for her, then so be it."

"Glad to see you haven't given up."

"I haven't. If anything, talking about her has reminded me what I'm fighting for. For the sake of my family's sanity, I'm just going to be a little more myself while doing it."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Mhmm. Part of it. It's going to take a well executed, full on siege to tear down that wall of hers. And I will do it all with smile on my face."

"To charm her?"

"No, don't you listen? To drive her nuts."

There, Kate thought, he might already have succeeded.

* * *

**A/N:**

Sorry about the delay in getting this one out. I've been shuttling between doctor duties, daughter duties, and then an unfortunate merger of both. Thank you guys for your patience and for sticking with me.

To that one _Guest_ (you know who you are), I say, you should read whatever makes you happy.

It would've been further delayed, but I'm posting it today in honor of the coming out of the underrated genius of my friend, soul sister, confidante, baggage handler, PR person, beta, banter-partner, fellow freak, etc etc etc. **Fembot77.** You did an extraordinary job as the person behind all the parody accounts. Your wit, intelligence and kindness always floor me. I'm grateful to Chuck and Castle for a lot of reasons. One of the most important is you.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** A little about this chapter before you begin. This wasn't meant to be out today. But I basically got super excited about it. So much so that I haven't even had it beta'd. It's a filler, and yet, an important one. I apologize for any mistakes. Thank you guys for your reviews and well wishes. Here you'll finally see here who made the first move. Two people at once. Fate? Either way, not long to go now.

* * *

Sleepless in Manhattan – Chapter 7

* * *

Kate paced around the living room restlessly, thinking inanely about the lack of sound her feet made. She missed her heels. Abrupt thoughts such as those cropped up amid the more serious issues she was pondering upon.

There weren't many decisions that Kate had regretted making in her life. Her mother had taught her not only to make decisions wisely to begin with, but also to harvest lessons from times that they didn't turn out as intended. She always told young Katie Beckett that life never delivers anything we can't handle. She lived by that philosophy; called it _Johanna's Immutable Law of the Universe._

She paused in her pacing, smiling as she thought about how Johanna would have loved Castle. In fact, she did. She was a fan of his books. She was the reason Kate had become a fan of the books.

Kate shook her head. She must really be missing Castle. Especially if she was entertaining the thought that Johanna might've been responsible in sending Castle into Kate's life. No, those were the kinds of things that Castle would say.

There was a lot to think about. The entire day had been a blur. She went through her routine without much focus on any given task. Oh, she had tried, but she failed miserably each time. He could distract her without even being there. Castle had given her a lot to think about.

Listening to him talk about her – about them – over the radio had been a revelation to say the least. Not very long ago, Esposito had all but pointed out that Castle wasn't sticking around for the books anymore. The _Nikki Heat_ series was basically a colossal love letter written for Kate Beckett. She wasn't blind to it, at least, not any more. As if that weren't enough of a declaration of love, he actually was declaring his love for her. The best or worst part of it was that he didn't even know she was listening. He may have hoped; she could hear as much in his voice, in his words. There was no way for him to know that she was listening, and still, Kate knew, that though he spoke for all the world to hear, Castle was talking to Kate.

There weren't many decisions that Kate had regretted making in her life. But she was regretting shutting him out for so long. She was regretting being selfish, and inconsiderate. True, it was her life, her body that took the bullet. But she was not the only one wounded.

Esposito and Ryan were her brothers in arm, and for all practical purposes, brothers off the field. She knew that it would be easy to reestablish things between them. They were cops. Sure, she knew they'd be harboring some hurt too. But they knew what it was like, for the most part. Lanie knew to some extent. But Castle didn't. For all his insight, Castle wasn't really a cop. He had become one of them, but he wasn't trained for any of this. Though he had signed up for following her, she wasn't sure he knew exactly what he had signed up for.

There was that, but there was also the fact, that his choices were his. Kate knew that his playboy image was just that – an image. It was a façade, established for the public, erected as a barrier. She knew that he was a thoughtful person, and far more intelligent than people gave him credit for. Kate knew that though he made decisions based more on emotion than practicality, that didn't mean he didn't think them through, or that he didn't understand them.

Kate knew that Castle would stand by her. That he would want to do so even if there was a risk attached. That in fact, he would help her from blindly making decisions where her mother's case was concerned. He had saved her, by virtue of his books, from getting irreversibly lost down the rabbit hole. He would do it again. Because she knew that there were things more important – things worth living for. Like Castle lived for the people he loved. She realized that early on through his interactions with Alexis. Never would she have thought of him as the doting father, back before she actually knew him.

That got her thinking about Alexis. Alexis and Martha had been there to watch her go down. To watch Castle trying to get her out of the way, even at the risk of getting hit by the bullet himself. She wouldn't blame the young teenager for hating her. Kate was nineteen when she lost her mother. She knew that there was little rationality involved with coping with loss. Though Castle was unharmed, the fact that he could have been, haunted even Kate. So of course, she wouldn't blame Alexis if she blamed or hated her; yet Kate hoped with all her heart that she didn't.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to centre her thoughts. The truth was, the decision had already been made. She already knew what she had to do, although she didn't know how to go about it. Squaring her shoulders like she would before a takedown, Kate finally resolved to _do_ something. With an air of determination, she sat on the couch, and picked up the phone.

* * *

Alexis had been worried about her father's hopes being up. He was excellent at poker. But life was not a game of poker. Besides, she was his daughter. She knew, better than most, how to read him. Especially when it came to the people he cared about, and even more so when it came to the people he loved. So of course, she knew that he had his hopes up about _StormRise._

She was also like Castle in her thought processes. Learning from watching her father, right since she was young, she had the kind of mind that sought a story. She prided herself in guessing, correctly more often than not, who done it in the whodunits. Now, being faced with a problem – or at least, facing it on his behalf, she had a case to solve. Like his novels' protagonists, like Derrick Storm, or even like Nikki and Rook; she tried to follow leads. And that had amounted into leading her to the morgue.

Half an hour of interrogation and the best set of puppy-dog eyes that she could muster had gained her the confidence of one Dr. Lanie Parish. ME for the city of New York, best friend to Detective Kate Beckett. Yes, Alexis Castle had inherited a lot of traits from her father. The relentless pursuit for answers was one of them. She smiled as she recalled the defeated sigh Lanie gave before her to hang tight for a few minutes. Lanie was going to reveal all she knew right after she came back from wheeling the latest body to the freezers.

Finally, Alexis thought, she would get some answers.

What she got instead, was more than what she had bargained for.

* * *

Kate thought she knew what a volcano must feel like. It had all been stewing around in her mind, right since she first heard Castle's voice on the radio. Or maybe it was right since Castle had entered her life. She wasn't sure of anything anymore. No. Quite the opposite. She hadn't ever been surer of anything than she was now.

Johanna Beckett always told her daughter that she didn't have to shy away from emotions. They didn't make her weak. Kate had understood the concept of it. Especially since her mother had likened it to opening a pre-shaken can of soda. She understood the concept of it, yet she couldn't really change that innate habit. She kept things bottled up.

The can was exploding, and the soda pouring out.

After having only enough patience to wait till the ringing stopped, indicating that the recipient of her frantic call had finally picked up, the words poured out in an impressive speed. "I don't know what to do. No, I know what to do, but I don't know how to do it. Did you listen to the show? He read my letter. He answered my letter. He didn't even _know_ it's _my_ letter. I can't – no, I can. But you know what I mean. Lanie, how am I supposed to face him? Though he did say he would wait. He's been waiting, and God, I don't even want him to wait anymore. He deserves so much better than me. But I'm selfish, and I want to deserve him, and I'm going to try to deserve him. But I don't know where to start. What if I don't know how to do this anymore? What if I've waited too long?"

She expected her friend to tell her to stop and take a breath. Maybe to chastise her, or say I told you so. Instead, Kate was greeted by silence. Who could blame her? She was stunned herself.

"Lanie? Say something."

"_So you _are_ StormRise?_"

Kate gasped. If her body had been capable of withstanding it, she would have fallen off the couch. As it were, that was probably not very health. Opening and closing her mouth dumbly several times, the words caught in her throat. If this wouldn't make her believe in fate, or at least doubt her disbelief in it, she didn't know what would. She moved the phone away from her face to make sure she had called the right person. It could have been the power of wishful thinking? Nope. It wasn't.

"_Kate?"_

Remembering her resolve, she shook her head and forced herself to coherence. She recognized the voice. Even so, she was still shocked. And in her shock, she choked out a strangled whisper, "Alexis?"


	8. Chapter 8

Sleepless in Manhattan – Chapter 8

* * *

Alexis was sitting patiently in the little office of the morgue, awaiting Lanie's return from the freezers. Though Lanie had been reluctant initially, she'd finally caved when Alexis convinced her that her father and Kate needed each other more than ever. Fortunately she had been listening to the show, and so it hadn't been too hard to sway her. She agreed.

The phone had begun to ring and though she had ignored it at first, the incessant loud ringing in the otherwise quiet morgue was grating on her nerves. Justifying to herself that it might be Lanie calling to explain her delay, or someone trying to leave an important message; she finally picked up the phone.

She could only gape in disbelief as Kate's voice came through the line. Not only that, but the usually reserved detective was spilling her guts, almost breathless with it. She had come here to solve the very issue of Kate being incommunicado. So to hear her voice so unexpectedly was a shock to the system. A thousand thoughts and emotions raced through the teen's mind. Her feelings were jumbled, making it difficult to decide whether she felt angry or relieved. There were questions flooding her mind but the one that came to the fore, when Kate had stopped to wait for a reply, was the most obvious. The one she had come here to resolve in the first place. "So you _are_ StormRise?"

She was met with silence, though she could understand that Kate must have been thoroughly surprised to hear her voice, too. Why, after all, would Alexis be at the morgue? All of it felt serendipitous. Maybe even a little ridiculous. She would have laughed if she weren't trying to sort out the sudden overwhelming number of simultaneous emotions.

"Kate?" she prompted.

"_Alexis?"_ came the strangled, disbelieving whisper.

"Yeah. I – sorry, I guess you meant to talk to Lanie, but she's gone to the freezers."

"_Oh. Uh…_" Kate stuttered, seemingly at a loss for words. It seemed particularly funny after the initial verbal onslaught. But it gave Alexis some courage. If the usually articulate and put together detective was unraveling, she wasn't the only one nervous about this unintentional telephonic confrontation.

"Look, I'm sorry I heard what I was clearly not meant to be hearing; but I'm also not sorry that I heard it. You are StormRise after all?"

"I – yeah. Yes, Alexis," came the resigned reply.

"Is dad the only person you're _not_ talking to?" Alexis asked in a small voice, unable to mask the hurt.

"_No,_" Kate breathed. "_No. I haven't spoken to anyone at home, except my father, since last month,_" she explained, her voice gaining strength with every word. "_I only called Lanie after I heard Castle on the radio. It's complicated._"

"Why?"

"_I've never been good with relationships. I've never been so invested in them. I needed advice, and she's my best friend._"

That was frank. Alexis hadn't been expecting it. Kate sounded honest, and she'd had basically admitted to theirs being a relationship. "No, I meant, why is it complicated? Why isolate yourself?"

A deep breath was followed by heavy words. "_I take it your father has told you about my mom? About her case?"_

"Yeah."

Kate steeled herself for what was a difficult but overdue conversation. Caste knew a lot, though not all, of it. He was surprisingly insightful when it came to these things, so he may have guessed a lot of it too. It had been a while since she spoke about her past when it wasn't forced out of her by a shrink. But it was time. Little Castle was more mature than Kate had realized. She found it

"_I was different before her death. More free, more naïve. Innocent. I was much like you, but far more rebellious. I had great ambitions. Did you know I wanted to be a lawyer?"_

"Your parents were lawyers," Alexis quietly stated what she knew. What she knew was that Kate was having a difficult time opening up. Anyone would. So she let her take her time, and tell it in her own way. It was funny though, how Kate was discussing her life as a story, much like her father would have done.

"_Yes, and I wanted to become the first Chief Justice of America. But after she died, it wasn't so much about what I wanted as it was about what I needed. I needed to get justice – but not as a lawyer. I needed to find the person responsible for ripping my family apart."_

"I'm sorry."

"_I'd fallen into the rabbit hole then. My father had fallen into the depths of the bottle. It was all I could do to save him from drowning. Montgomery helped me when I was just a rookie – showed me that there was a right and wrong way of doing things. I poured myself into the job and promised myself that I wouldn't turn into the cop who ruled my mother's murder a random mugging. I think, maybe, if your father hadn't turned up in my life the way he did, I would have eventually fallen on that promise."_

It sounded horrible to Alexis. If it were her, she would have been devastated. She'd known most of this, of course, but hearing it from the stoic detective added a meaning it was previously missing.

"_You know about the fallout I had with Castle when he opened my mom's file again."_ Kate stated, "_I told him then that I didn't want to fall back into the rabbit hole. I'm not blaming him. He had no idea how I got. My mom's death, and everything that happened after – it changed me. I worked hard towards closing myself off from others. I stopped trusting people. It started off initially as a coping mechanism to deal with everything. But it turned into a habit."_

"Hasn't dad earned your trust?" Alexis asked. She tried her best to understand what Kate was going through, and she did, too an extent. But didn't Kate understand what her father was going through? Was she even trying to understand him?

"_He has,"_ Kate responded quickly with a surety that surprised her, "_I'm not saying I don't trust anyone ever, but I do take time to trust people, and to open up to them. And the more they mean to me, the more reluctant I am to trust them."_

"What? Why?"

"_Because when _they_ leave, it hurts more."_

"My dad would never leave you."

"_My mom died. Royce left. Will left. Now even Montgomery – " _Kate choked on his name. "_They _all _leave."_

God, she hadn't realized just how damaged Kate was. She wasn't some comic book hero, or untouchable superwoman that Castle had projected her. She was human. She was fallible and fragile in ways that were – real. Kate Beckett wasn't Nikki Heat, she was real. She was real, and she had just survived a gunshot to the heart. Alexis felt a shiver go down her spine.

"Kate – "

"_I've been listening to the show, and yes, I'm StormRise. I tried to justify that what I was doing was right, and that I was doing it to protect Castle. That it was better this way. But I realized that he's right. I realized that I've been selfish, and I'm doing what I do best. I fell back on my habit of closing myself off, of running away to what's safe and hiding behind my walls."_

"Give him a chance. Let him in. He just wants to be there for you. He _needs_ to be there for you. He saw you die, Kate. We all did. And then you just left."

"_I know. I'm sorry, Alexis. I'm sorry I hurt Castle. I hurt you. I shouldn't have run away. I took the bullet, but I was wrong to think that it only affected _my_ life._"

"I understand. At least, I do now. You need to say all this to dad. You were wrong earlier, Kate. It's not too late with him. You've listened to the show; you've heard him."

"_I don't know how."_ Kate said, sounding genuinely distraught.

"Tell him, just like you told me. Show him. More than anything else, he needs to see that you're okay."

"_Well,_ _I can't just show up, after a month of silence."_

"Not complete silence. You've already spoken to him as StormRise."

"_That's different."_

"You found courage in the face of anonymity. I get it. But Kate, he chose your letter. Of all the letters, he chose yours to answer on the air. Do you think it was a coincidence? He thought it was you. Stupidly, eagerly hoped it was you. His hope was so contagious that it even got me thinking. That's why I'm here at the morgue in the first place. _I_ needed to know if it was you, even while I was discouraging him from believing it."

Alexis waited for a reply. When none came, she spoke in a quieter voice.

"Look, I heard you. You clearly care about him, too. So do something about it."

"_It isn't that easy._"

"I didn't say it would be. But it would be right, and you know it."

She waited patiently, allowing Kate a moment to absorb it. It wasn't easy but it was certainly important. This would be a defining moment that would change more than one life. For better or for worse.

"_Okay."_

Alexis felt a sudden surge of hope flow through her, her free hand coming up over her forehead in palpable relief. "Okay?"

"_I'm still not quite sure what to do."_ Kate said honestly. _"It's easier said than done. What if it doesn't work out?"_

"What if it does?" Alexis insisted. "Look, we'll end up going in circles about this all night. I'll take care of the rest of it. Dad will be waiting on the Empire State building observation deck at one a.m. on Monday."

Kate had to squelch the irrational and absurd urge to laugh at the cliché that they were turning into. Still, she'd take rom-com over tragedy any day. "_How will –_"

"Leave it to me. All you have to do is show up. Just show up, Kate," Alexis said with an air of finality as she ended the call. She got up with a resolve and with the conversation and plans whirring through her head, only to be brought up short by the sight of a seemingly impressed looking Lanie. "Oh. Dr. Parish – Oh God, I'm really sorry about –" she stopped abruptly when Lanie gestured as much. She had no idea how long Lanie had been standing there listening to her side of the conversation. This was kind of mortifying.

"Alexis Castle, you have more balls than Kate and that ruggedly handsome father of yours combined. Call me Lanie. We should have coffee sometime," she told a justifiably bewildered Alexis, "but not now. Now, you have plans to make. People to set up. Off you go," she said, essentially shooing Alexis out of the morgue.

* * *

Kate stared at her phone in disbelief. Did she just get schooled by a teenager? She had to hand it to Alexis. The young, but smart beyond her years, girl had made it sound easy. Then why did it feel like the most difficult thing in the world?

_Just show up, Kate._

* * *

**_AN: _**_Sorry it took a bit to get this out! Hope you like it. Thank you guys for sharing in the enthusiasm for the last chapter. _

_My gratitude goes out again to Fembot for helping me so much. This thing would've had a lot of bumps without her. _


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: **Sorry I haven't replied to each review for the last one. I read them all though. Thank you guys!

About the 1 am thing - no, it wasn't a typo. a - It's more dramatic, b - Some of it is explained down here. and c - nah, that's all. It's fiction. Just go with it ;). There are some things, I'm sure, that you may have questions about. Thing is, I like to leave some stuff to your imagination. Kind of like tv shows do. I guess that's my writing style? Or my way of thought? I'm not sure. Either way, feel free to use your imaginations!

* * *

Sleepless in Manhattan – Chapter 9

* * *

Alexis Castle was an ambitious teenager. She wasn't having the greatest of summers. She had witnessed Kate being shot while giving a eulogy at the funeral for someone else she knew. She had witnessed watching her own father try to push Kate out of the way of said shot, putting himself in danger. She had understood that her father was in love with a woman who had a target on her back. It was dangerous love. It had the power to hurt him – in more ways than one. And it had.

To distract herself from watching her father rolling around in the unending spiral of depression, and to try and move on with her life, Alexis had taken up a number of odd summer jobs. There was the added benefit of saving up for college. She was doing an observational internship with a quasi-famous law firm just down the lane from where she lived. There was the tutoring job she had landed on by chance for a student two years her junior, at school. And the third was as a junior level coordinator at the Empire State Building.

The third played into her ingenious plan to unite the frustrating non-couple that was her father and Detective Kate Beckett. While she fought hard not to chew on her nail – a bad habit she had done marvelously to overcome – Alexis wondered idly whether she could add 'match-maker' to her ever growing resume.

Was she having second thoughts? Of course she was.

Though she had gained a lot of insight into the phenomenon that was Beckett, she also had her reservations. Kate had, after all, run away this summer. Yes, she had her reasons – strong reasons. Reasons that she had understood were wrong, and yet she did it anyway. Knowing she had hurt her dad, not just this time – though this took the cake, by far – made it difficult for Alexis to trust Kate.

But Alexis was Rick Castle's daughter. She'd go a long way for the people she loved, and there was no one she loved more than her father. If reconnecting with Kate, even just the chance for it, made him happy, then that was what mattered. Besides, she was nothing, if not clever and a little bit devious. It was a well concocted scheme. Alexis had picked the night shift for what was bound to be an eventful Monday. The Empire State Building's observation deck closed at two a.m., with the last elevator going up at one fifteen. She had called Kate there at one a.m., hoping with all her heart that the good detective would show.

She hadn't told her father about the meeting. As far as he was concerned, Castle had agreed to pick his daughter up at the end of her shift. Guilt-ridden as he had been for having moped around for a month, she didn't even have to try very hard. It had been a piece of cake.

He'd take the last ride up, and hang around with her for some time – because _Dad, we haven't spent any time together, and I miss you, and it'll be fun_. He'd fallen for it hook, line and sinker. Just as he'd be waiting, no doubt chatting away about this or that; bam! Kate would show up, and – okay, admittedly, that's as far as her plan went. But Alexis was sure that her dad and Kate could handle the rest, while she snuck away.

And if she _didn't_ show up, Castle would be the doting father picking up his daughter from a late shift, because those were the kind of sweet things he did.

She hoped it wouldn't come to that. But she just couldn't take the chance of getting his hopes up only to be dashed. Again. She really hoped it wouldn't blow up in her face.

And so it was that she found herself waiting impatiently atop the tallest of the tall. She'd wrapped up most of her work by midnight, and all of it by now. With half an hour to go to the one a.m. mark, she didn't know what to do with herself. She tried to keep herself occupied by reading a book, and then playing a game on her phone, but it was no use. The anticipation was maddening.

As the time drew closer, her hope bloomed more, as did the doubt. It was daunting, and draining. She cast her eyes repeatedly towards the elevator, hoping for the right person to step out. She hoped, and prayed, and wished, and expected for Kate to be in that set of people stepping out onto the deck. Kate wasn't there. She was not in the next group of people, nor the next one, nor the one after that.

There had been no phone call from Kate. She didn't even have the courtesy to tell Alexis that she would be backing out of their arrangement.

She could feel her heart breaking. Could feel the anger bubble up in her, along with the painful sting of disappointment. How could someone so smart, and so _good_ be so cruel? Was this what her father had to go through every time? The hope and faith. The denial and disappointment. And yet each time, somehow, he did it again? She wasn't her father. Her hopes had been dashed. Her doubts confirmed. Sadly.

Minutes before the last ride came up, she had nothing left. She felt empty and wounded. But she put up a front because she knew for sure that her father would come. At least he didn't disappoint.

Alexis forced a smile as Castle came to stand beside her. As if knowing something was wrong, but not knowing what or why, he immediately began to cheer her up. She did try to cheer up for him. If nothing else, she got to spend time with her father. At least, that's what she told herself. Truth was, even that was tainted by the dark shadow of disappointment. Her initial plan of making Castle stay to spend time with him fell to pieces, and he agreed readily when she suggested they call it a night.

And then –

* * *

Castle just couldn't figure her out. Sure his daughter had been acting strange over the weekend, casting surreptitious glances his way when she thought he wasn't looking. It was odd behavior, but given the circumstances, he let it go, assuming she thought he would be mad about needing to pick her up in the middle of the night.

Why she had to take the late shift on a Sunday was beyond him, but it wasn't like he had anywhere to be early on Monday anyway. No Kate, no precinct.

But she'd announced the plan of spending some time with him when he'd come to pick her up. He thought it was a great idea, especially since he'd been too busy wallowing in self pity lately to pay as much attention to her as he normally would. So of course, he'd readily agreed.

It left him confused, therefore, when she was the one to call it a night. Sensing her need to leave, and her less than happy mood, he agreed to the change in plans. He thought, as they made their descent, that he didn't understand women at all. One minute they love you and want to spend time with you, the next they get moody and broody, and go all quiet. Not the good kind of quiet either, no. More so the kind of quiet that makes a man squirm.

Once he started the car, the familiar sounds of New York permeated through the uncomfortable silence and put him more at ease. It was one of the reasons he loved Manhattan. It was so representative of the state of his mind. Active, and vibrant, and alive. It was in the blur of lights from street lamps and buildings, the steady hum of light night-time traffic; the hand-holding couple strolling lazily along the side-walk, the tired looking suit tugging at his tie, the random tattoo-covered dude gazing at a store front. All stories waiting to be heard. It made him feel not-so-alone. It made him feel alive. Glancing at his daughter, he noticed that she was deeply engrossed in her phone. _Meh._ Maybe he could cheer her up at home.

So he found himself trying to come up with ways to get her out of her mood as he drove them back home. They weren't even ten minutes away from the Empire State Building when she emitted a loud gasp, almost causing him to swerve into to other lane and lose control of the wheel.

"Alexis, what is it?" he asked, sensing her urgency.

"Dad! You have to turn back!"

"What? Why?"

"My – uh – notes. I forgot my notes. Sorry dad, but please turn back? I need them."

"In the summer? Can't it wait till tomorrow?"

"No!" she exclaimed loudly, before saying in a more reasonable voice.

If she wasn't acting strange before –

"Ah, the notes aren't mine. No, well. They _are_ mine. But they're not for me. They're for Madison. You know, the girl I'm tutoring?"

"Okay," he drew out. "Again, can't this wait till morning? Well – later this morning, in any case."

"No. No, no, no. It'll be too late. She has a quiz. Tomorrow. So she needs them today."

"Really, Alexis? Really?" Castle whined, but he knew he was giving in. Of course he was.

"Really really. Thanks, dad, you're the best?" she said, not even trying to contain her beaming smile as he turned the car around. They reached the building's parking quickly enough, and just as Castle stopped the car, Alexis piped up again. "Do you mind if I wait down here with security. My jacket's light, and I was feeling cold earlier anyway, and you're pretty bundled up," she said in a rush.

He narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously, but she looked innocent enough. Maybe a little too innocent. Hmm. "Okay, I'll be right back. Don't get into trouble."

She rolled her eyes, "I won't. I'll be safe with David here," she said, nodding at the security guard who tipped his hat at Castle.

"Alright, then," he said with a shrug, heading to the elevator only to be stopped by the guard there.

"No more rides up."

"Oh. Listen, man, I don't want to spend time up there, I just need to collect a bag my daughter forgot. She works here," he added for good measure.

"Elevator's closed. Get it from 'lost and found' tomorrow."

"Come on, dude. Have a little heart. It's not even closing time yet, and it's for an assignment," Castle pleaded to the old man. He looked like he was wavering. That was all Castle needed. "See that red-head? That's her. Look at her sad little face. You wouldn't want her to fail her assignment, would you?"

"Oh, it's for Ms. Castle?" he asked, his demeanor changing.

Castle puffed his chest with pride. It was every father's dream to be known as 'the father of'. At least when the context was good.

"Yeah, it's for Alexis."

"Why didn't you say so before? Oh. But the rules –"

"Couldn't you bend them? Just this once? I promise I won't tell."

"Well – I don't know. Maybe if –"

"Name your price," Castle said, catching on.

The old guard huffed in indignation. "I do not want money. But – " he cleared his throat. "My wife's a fan, Mr. Castle."

"Say no more. Have something I can sign?"

"Oh. Yes! I have a copy of your book in my locker."

"Why don't you go get that, and I'll go fetch the bag. I'll be happy to sign it once I'm down again."

"You'll go up alone?"

"This thing is safe, right?" he said, eyeing the elevator dubiously. It wasn't that long ago that he had been cursed. Fake-cursed, but cursed nonetheless.

"Perfectly."

"Okay, then. No sense in wasting more time. You go back there, I'll go up there, and we'll all be happy before we know it."

"Deal. Ah, but, not a word to anyone."

"It'll be our little secret," Castle promised with a nod, and a wave to Alexis, as the doors closed. This had better earn him some good dad points.

* * *

**AN**

Wait, wait, wait. She didn't show up? What? *ducks and covers*

And then - ...


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: **So, this is it. Again, I want to thank Fembot for all the time and effort she gave this story. She's had my back from the get go. I hope she writes her own soon, because it will be _awesome_. Of that I have no doubt.

**And thank _you_ all so, so much.**

* * *

Sleepless in Manhattan – Chapter 10

* * *

Kate was innately a methodical person. It added a sense of control to her life to have an order to things. To have plans, and backup plans. That wasn't to say that she couldn't adapt to change. She had a sharp mind, adept at adjusting, and figuring things out. It was why she made a good detective. Still she liked structure, if she could help it. Today she was all over the place.

She was running around – as well as she could run around what with her slow recovery – from one task to the next. Hastily throwing her clothes into the washer, she was just realizing how much she had let herself go with nowhere to be, no one to see. Breakfast was a quick affair with fresh fruit and almost burnt toast. Her hands shook every time she thought about how the night would go. So much, that she even dropped her phone once, breathing a sigh of relief when it flickered just once before turning on again. The enormity of the day was understood by the fact that she skipped coffee – because she was jittery enough to begin with and because she needed it to be from him.

She'd received an ultimatum, of sorts, from Alexis. And she knew what she had to do. Her decision was already made. Truth be told, her decision had been made for a long, long time – by her heart. This was just finally the time that she was acting on it. Because after everything she and Castle had been through, their victories and losses, the battles and wars; no matter how hard she'd tried, Kate couldn't get him out.

So maybe it was time to let him in completely.

The thought of it was daunting, and she wanted to get everything right. There wasn't too much time to think about everything, but she thought that maybe that was a good thing. She wouldn't be able to over-think it.

First she had to figure out what to pack. Whether she'd be staying in the city for good, or coming back. It didn't make that much sense to come back just to collect all her stuff, if she would decide to stay. But if things didn't go well, she'd be back here at least for the next two months of vacation time. In that case, it didn't make sense to lug all of her stuff to the city, and then all the way back again. There was the option of packing light for now, and asking her dad to pick up the rest of her stuff later. So she kept everything packed up, but only the one small bag would be going to the city with her.

Next, she had to figure out how she'd get back home. Fortunately, the sweet old neighbor that Kate knew since she was a little kid coming out to their cabin was heading back to the city too. She'd asked if he could leave a day early, and he had easily complied. The only problem was that he'd be leaving a bit late for her taste. They'd make it with only minutes to spare. But beggars can't be choosers, and right now Kate didn't have many options. She had to make it.

For the first time in days, Kate had a purpose. She had things to do within a certain time – goals to reach. It felt good. It felt normal. She didn't realize how much she missed it. Hurrying as much as she could through each task, she had actually gotten ready well ahead of time. By early evening she took an extra round all through the cabin to check the lights, the stove, the fireplace, the water, and anything else she could think of. She got rid of anything with a short shelf life, not that there was much. She'd never been much of a waster.

Crossing everything off her list, she sat on the couch, having a much needed best-friend discussion as she tried to kill more time before Mr. Thompson would come pick her up. Lanie told her why she'd gotten Alexis on the phone at the morgue, though she'd already guessed it. It came as no surprise that Lanie thoroughly agreed with Alexis. Kate rolled her eyes when she asserted that '_it's about damn time you got your head on straight, and it took a teenager to do it_' for the third time. She could suffer through the 'I told you so's for a while yet. Kate felt she owed that much to Lanie, who truly had been telling her so for the longest time.

After the call, she anxiously walked around, trying hard not to chew her thumb nail off as she kept glancing at the clock in the living room. Glaring at it didn't make it go any faster, and yet glare at it she did.

And then it was finally _time_. She let out a puff of air through her pursed lips, and took a deep calming breath, getting ready for whatever was to come. As if on cue, she heard Mr. Thompson's car's distinctive honk signaling his arrival outside. She turned back to the cabin, smiling at the place that served as her refuge for a month. She was glad for it, grateful for the time and space she had to heal, but she was happy to be heading back home.

* * *

The drive had been pleasant to begin with. Smooth. Mr. Thompson knew reflexively when to carry a conversation and when to revel in the silence. Kate supposed it was because he had known her growing up. She had always liked him. Though she looked at the time on the radio system of the car every so often, she was comfortable with the soft music and companionable silence.

With time, though, she was getting edgy. Even more so because she tried not to let it show, trying not to come off as ungrateful to Mr. Thompson. She was very grateful to him. It wasn't his fault that she had to be somewhere in the next two hours. It wasn't his fault that she had to hurry to right her wrongs. The traffic definitely wasn't his fault. They were held up on the highway because of a car crash ahead. There was nothing to be done but to sit tight. Kate only hummed as Mr. Thompson spoke his piece on how it was sad that the youth forewent safety. She couldn't conjure up enough strength to think about that, though she did wonder idly what he'd think about her being shot.

It was an hour later that the road cleared up enough that they were moving at a steady speed again. Kate thought about letting Alexis know that she might be late. She didn't really even know what awaited her. Alexis had said that she would make sure her dad was there, but Kate didn't yet have enough courage to talk to him directly. Besides, she was going to see him soon enough. She'd rather talk to him in person for the first time in so long rather than doing it over the phone.

She tried hard not to imagine shooting random cars on the road as they found themselves stuck in New York traffic just outside the city. Mr. Thompson had needed to stop for refreshments. She couldn't blame him. It had turned out to be a much longer drive than either of them had anticipated. She certainly couldn't blame him for his enlarged prostate. Not that she needed to know about it. Old people had the habit of over-sharing, she thought, trying to contain her blush. She was trying not to rip her hair out from the stress of the additional delay, even as she looked calm to the unsuspecting observer at the rest stop. Kate smartly chose to forgo coffee again when Mr. Thompson offered to buy her one.

Once they were in the city, Kate was almost startled to see that it was minutes away from one. She made a note to herself to later thank Mr. Thompson profusely for going through with the harrowingly long drive. Bringing out her phone to call Alexis to let her know about the delay, she congratulated herself on not throwing it out the window when it wouldn't respond. The phone was turning on, but it was stuck on the home screen. Turning it off, and then on again seemed to have worked. But it went blank as soon as she'd hit send on the message she tried sending to Alexis. For the first time all day, she was a little mad at Mr. Thompson because when she asked to borrow his phone, he handed her a chunky, completely discharged cell. And there was no charger in the car. _Great._

Kate bit her lip, trying to hold back tears as they made their way to the Empire State Building. She finally got out at ten minutes after one and thanked Mr. Thompson with all her heart, even as it was tearing apart in despair again. She hoped Alexis was still there - hoped that Alexis had faith in her, even when she had clearly given her reason not to. She ground her teeth, hating herself a little, hating the world a little, and got into one of the elevators. The guard informed everyone that it was one-fifteen, and that would be the last ride going up. At least something worked in her favor. She hadn't missed it.

She made it up, and when she got out, she tried not to look as frantic as she felt. She tried not to let the little embers of hope she still had inside her die out as she went around the observation deck, looking for him or for Alexis. Every person who resembled either one of them in stature gave her a boost of hope. But it was only to be dashed again when she found it wasn't them. There was so much hinging on this moment – so much that she needed to tell him.

She felt like screaming into the air. She showed up. She _showed_ up. She was here.

But they weren't. He wasn't there.

How disappointed Alexis must be. How heartbroken Castle would surely be. Did she break him beyond repair?

She stood near the edge, looking out unseeingly at the lively city below. The lights from the cars still on the road below were blurs. So small, they seemed like tiny fireflies zipping about. As she settled into the realization that she had lost her chance, she wondered whether the buzzing in her head was from the loud wind that came from being at such a high altitude, or whether it was her mind giving up on all thought. Because all she could think about was him. And it stung.

* * *

What felt like hours later, but what in reality was just about a half hour after she'd arrived, Kate finally turned her back to the skyline, knowing it was time to leave. It was coming up on two in the morning, and everybody had left, save for four people, including Kate herself. She stopped halfway to the approaching elevator, having spotted a young couple playfully nudging each other. Closing her eyes against the stab of jealousy, she bowed her head, trying to gather herself. She took a couple of deep breaths, rooted to her spot, trying not to imagine Castle and herself in their place.

She heard the elevator ding in arrival, and imagined the couple and another man heading towards their ride down. And through the noisy breeze of the observation deck, she thought she heard his voice.

Such is the power of the mind. The heart wants what the heart wants.

But her head snapped up when she heard it _again_.

"_Kate?_"

* * *

He couldn't believe his eyes. He'd dreamed about every possible scenario of meeting Kate over the last one month, and nowhere in his writer mind had he come up with this. It was right out of Sleepless In Seattle. But this was them. This was him and her. Sleepless in Manhattan. He would have laughed if he wasn't so paralyzed.

He almost didn't notice the three people who passed him to get into the elevator. He had eyes just for her. Wrapped in her favorite, soft red jacket, she stood with her eyes closed. Her wavy brown locks swayed in the breeze. It was Kate. But she looked different somehow. There was something different about her gait, like she was listing to the left. She seemed fragile and sad. He didn't like it. Didn't ever like seeing her sad. Yet she looked beautiful. There was a glow about her. Maybe she just glowed for him.

"Kate?" he choked out. It couldn't be. It couldn't. She was just a hallucination. His masochistic heart was toying with his mind. She was a vision, standing tall, if a little weak. But it did look like her. The sharp angles of her cheeks, the soft smooth skin of her face, drew him in like a siren call. Even though he couldn't really see her face, hidden under the billowing curtain of her hair; even though she couldn't possibly be here, he was sure it was Kate. _How?_

He was imagining things again. Hah. Yes. That would explain it. His besotted heart had somehow tricked his poor unsuspecting mind into conjuring up a vivid image of Kate. He used to imagine her at the Hamptons too, back when he'd gone with Gina that last summer. She sure looked real.

He chuckled. "Kate," he said, heading towards the centre. So what if he was imagining things?

To his eternal surprise, even though his voice had barely been above a whisper, her bowed head snapped up to look at him. His heart stopped when he saw her face. It was her. Why did his imaginary Kate look so utterly surprised? Oh, it was because _he_ felt surprised. He was projecting. Wow. If nothing else, he was getting better at imagining things.

Castle stopped when he stood right in front of her, completely in her space, and grabbed her face. Smiling at the shock in her eyes, he barely heard his own name on her lips before he covered them with his.

Her lips were soft beneath his, tasting a little like cherry chapstick. Surprisingly, they didn't taste like coffee, he thought as he swiped his tongue over her lip. He always imagined that they would. And he imagined kissing her very often. But this felt so real. _Wait._ It was real.

His eyes snapped open, and he pulled away with a gasp, jumping back two feet in the air. Eyes wide, his hand covered his mouth as he watched as she drew her lips in, as if savoring their kiss. What?

She opened her equally surprised eyes, and gaped at him for a minute before she found her voice. "Castle, what -? She looked as confused as he felt.

"Kate? You're real?" he squeaked out.

"Of course I'm real," she said throwing up her hands.

"You're really here?" he asked, not daring to believe anything.

"Castle," she barked, rolling her eyes. "Are you going to keep asking me that?"

"What are you doing here? Oh my God, I kissed you," he said, feeling both mortified and elated.

"You did," she said, the corners of her lips twitching, as she raised an eyebrow at him. "While you didn't think I was real. Done that before, have you?"

"No," he said, crossing his arms defiantly, before uncrossing them and letting them rest at his side. His hands twitched, closing around air, as if he didn't know what to do with them. As if he was holding back. "Okay, maybe I've indulged my imagination before," he said, his heart doing somersaults as he watched her bite her lip. God, he'd missed her. "How are you here?"

"Alexis."

He blinked uncomprehendingly, stepping back when she took a step towards him. He saw the hurt flash across her face, but he needed to know. He needed to know why, after a month, she was suddenly standing in front of him.

"Alexis called me," she elaborated, before he cut her off.

"You've been in touch with her?" he said, looking like a kicked puppy. "She didn't tell me," he whispered.

"She only called me recently. And she probably didn't tell you because she didn't want to get your hopes up. In case I didn't show up," Kate said honestly. "She's a good daughter, Castle."

"Yeah," he agreed with a small smile. "She is."

"She found out that I'm StormRise. We spoke about – a lot of things. I guess I told her a lot more than I meant to. She's surprisingly easy to talk to."

His tipped his head. "That she is. Does it make me a bad person to be jealous of my daughter?"

"You're a good person, Castle," she said confidently, meeting his eyes before looking away. "I don't deserve you."

"You're right."

She drew in a breath. She knew it would be like this. Had anticipated it. Didn't make it hurt any less.

"You deserve better," he said with a small smile, even as she shook her head. "So – you _are_ StormRise?" he said, changing the topic, changing the topic promptly when she opened her mouth protest.

She bit her lip to keep from laughing. And possibly to drive him a little mad. He often thought she knew the effect it had on him. "Alexis is definitely your kid," she said, leading him to cock his head. "Yes, I'm StormRise."

Castle pumped his hands in the air. "I knew it," he said, pointing at her and pumping his fist in the air again.

She rolled her eyes again, and he thought he could die happy. It had been a month. It had been a month, and it felt slightly awkward. But it also felt right. It reminded him of the time he came back after their first summer apart. She'd been so angry at him for looking into her mother's murder even though she told him not to. He'd betrayed her trust, and trust meant a lot between them. But when it came back, and when she was still mad – when he had a lot to repair, they'd slipped into their default setting of easy banter. It may not be the ideal way of dealing with issues, but it was _their_ way.

"You listened to the show. Kate Beckett, I would never have expected it of you."

"Hey!" she said indignantly, "you were the one _on_ the show."

* * *

Not quite the confrontation she had expected. But she knew he probably felt as lost as she did. She couldn't help but smile, realizing how easily they slipped into their banter.

Clearing his throat, Castle broke the silence. "How are you?"

She tried hard not to laugh, but her smile widened. "Really, Castle?"

"Yeah. You know," he said, moving closer, waving his hand at her side to indicate her surgical wound. "How are you?"

Kate's smile slipped, but just a fraction. "I'm fine. Not completely there yet, but I'm healing," she said, nodding when he did.

"Good. That's good. I didn't know how – I wanted to ask but –" he said, looking adorably confused.

"I know, Castle. You wanted to call, but you couldn't. Because I asked you not to," Kate said, lowering her head in regret.

She couldn't help being startled when he lifted her head with his finger curled below her chin.

"It's okay. You told me you needed space and time," he said softly, with a smile.

It pained her heart, and warmed it all the same as she realized how easily he was forgiving her. Sure, she'd heard everything he said on the radio, and knew that he had come to terms with things. Much better than she had, in any case. He was such a good man. "Yeah," she breathed. Clearing her throat, she said more clearly. "I did. But it wasn't fair to shut everyone out – to shut _you_ out. I'm sorry." She closed her eyes as his thumb ghosted over her cheek. So gentle.

She opened her eyes to look straight into his. She could see the depth of his love shining through as he gazed at her, open and loving. How had she been so blind to it before? She turned her head into his palm, brining her hand up to cover his, when he said he forgave her. Again she felt like she didn't deserve him, but she knew without a doubt that she had him. And he had her.

"Can I – does it hurt? Can I hug you? Please?" he asked in a small voice.

"No. Yeah – I mean. You can. Just be gentle," she said, watching as he beamed at her.

Carefully, he leaned slightly down, adjusting to her shorter height sans her usual heels. He brought his arms to her waist, gliding them to her back as he held her softly to him. He was so gentle with her, like she was fragile and could break any second. He was being careful not to hurt her.

It made her tear up, as she turned her face into his chest and breathed him in. She couldn't help the sob that broke through her.

He drew back immediately, even as she clutched at his arms. "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?", he asked, looking remorsefully at her.

"No," she said. "No, Castle. You didn't hurt me. Just – I missed you."

"I missed you, too," he said, smiling widely, and wrapping his arms around her again, even more gently if that was possible.

"I love you, too," she managed to choke out, seemingly surprised that she could say it at all.

"You don't have to sound so sad about it," he said after a minute of silence.

"What?"

"You're crying a river on my shirt as you profess your love," he pointed out, chuckling not-so-quietly.

She slapped his chest with the back of her hand, using the other to swipe at her tears. "Cause I'm happy, jackass." After everything they'd been through, through the years; through her apartment blowing up, through Dick Coonan, through Montgomery – here he was, right where he had been from the start. Standing with her. Making her laugh. Giving her the possibility for joy even on the worst day.

"Are you going to use that as a term of endearment?" he asked, smiling so widely that she thought his jaw had to hurt with it.

She rolled her eyes.

He smirked. "Cause then I've got to think of something for you, sweetheart," he tested. She shook her head.

"Honey?"

"No," she said, pushing at his chest.

"Okay, okay," he said, trapping her hand over his heart. "Bunny?"

"Don't you dare," she threatened.

"Mr. Castle?"

They both turned to the source of noise.

"Oh, oops," Castle said, turning around. "Closing time," he said, as he took her small bag-pack from her, and reached for her hand after securing it on his shoulder with a look. She let him hold her hand in his, even intertwining their fingers. It felt so right. She almost couldn't believe it, even as she walked beside him to the waiting elevator.

Failing miserably at facing forward on the way down, she allowed herself to watch him closely. She couldn't help but notice the dark shadows beneath his eyes, and she longed to smooth her fingers over them, wondering if she was the reason behind them. She faced forward when he turned to her, trying to keep the worry and regret from showing. But when he squeezed her hand, still enclosed in his larger, warmer one, she knew that he understood. He had always been good at understanding her.

They reached the lobby, and as they got out, Castle turned to the security personnel and took out his pen with a smile. She watched fondly as he signed one of his books for the old man. He shrugged when she looked at him quizzically.

He stopped after a few steps.

"What?" she asked nudging him.

"Kate?"

Kate turned towards Alexis with a smile. "Alexis. I didn't think you guys would still be here. I'm sorry, I got held up in traffic."

"I know. I got your message, just after we'd left from here."

"Oh."

"Why didn't you message me earlier? We'd have waited. Not that dad knew," she said, casting her eyes apologetically at Castle. "Sorry, dad."

"Pumpkin, it's okay. I think," he paused to put his thoughts together. "It's more than okay," he said, turning to nudge Kate.

Kate ducked her head, blushing, before she composed herself. "My phone wasn't working. I dropped it this morning. Didn't realize it was frozen till it was too late. In fact, I didn't even think the message went out."

"I'm glad it did," Alexis said with a smile. "I'm glad you showed up."

"Me too," Kate said, returning her smile.

"Me three," Castle pitched in, causing the women to laugh at him. "Uh," Castle said, as they quieted down.

"What, Castle?" Kate asked as his hand twitched in hers.

"You came straight from the cabin?"

"Yes."

"And this is all you brought?" he asked, indicating the bag-pack.

Kate shrugged. "I can get the rest later. Or my dad can bring it for me when he comes back from his next trip."

"Oh, okay. So…" he drawled.

"Yes, Castle," she asked patiently.

"What now?"

Kate flashed him a bright smile. "Now, you take me home."

That took him by surprise. "To the loft? With us?" he asked.

"That a problem?" Kate returned.

"No. Not a problem. Never a problem. Alexis?" he asked, turning to his daughter.

It warmed Kate's heart when the girl replied in the affirmative. "Of course," she said.

"Hey, Alexis," he said, turning to his daughter.

"Yeah, dad?"

He held out the keys for her to take. "Could you go wait in the car for just a minute?"

Kate looked at him curiously. Alexis took the keys and shrugged, apparently used to any and all odd behavior from him.

"Thanks," Castle said, and he turned back to Kate, cupping her face in his hands again. He leaned in and nudged her nose with his, and then pressed his lips to hers in a passionate kiss that stole all her questions and thoughts, and even her breath.

Somewhere in the back of her preoccupied mind, she heard Alexis screaming from a distance. "Ew. Hurry up, dad."

He unlatched his lips from hers momentarily. "Be right there," he yelled back, before latching on to her again. She tightened her hold on his lapels and pulled him back to her. "I love you," he said before diving in again. She melted into him, giving and taking from him with equal fervor. He sipped at her lips, like she was his oasis. As she opened up for him, she could taste the hint of coffee. She smiled against his lips. Shaking her head when he pulled back, looking at her questioningly.

Kate chased him, and kissed him again, relishing the feeling of his hand winding through her hair. She felt safe and protected in his embrace. It felt familiar even though they weren't used to it at all. This proximity, the intimacy, it was foreign to them. And yet it was so completely right. This was so much better than the pretend kiss they shared not too long ago. This was real. This was love.

They stayed that way, lost in each other, lost to the world, for a while before they tore apart when a passer-by wolf-whistled at them. She turned away, feeling the warmth in her face. Her lips felt wonderfully swollen from their kiss.

Castle looked utterly gobsmacked, and totally delicious. She smiled shyly, and took his hand, and gave him a minute to recover. He shook himself out of his reverie when she nudged him playfully, and started leading them towards his car.

He kept stealing glances at her, and smiling each time. She couldn't blame him. Not when she was doing the same. As she caught sight once more of his content face, she made a mental note to thank Alexis and Dr. Susan. Sure they had a lot to talk about. A lot to apologize for, and a lot to confess. But Kate knew that for the first time in months, tonight, with each other, they wouldn't be sleepless at all.

* * *

**AN:** I hope you guys enjoyed that. Finally, eh?

I did promise Bot an epilogue. Don't know when I'll get around to it. But I will. :) Cheers!

Thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

_For Fembot._

* * *

Sleepless in Manhattan

**Epilogue**

* * *

She's a phoenix reborn from the ashes of a devastating past.

The good people of the twelfth precinct welcomed Detective Kate Beckett, back from her three month hiatus, with applause.

She's a fighter. A warrior. A tigress.

She's in love, and she's more beautiful for it.

The pink hues dusting her cheeks, hidden beneath the long wavy tresses – lighter from their time in the sun, couldn't hide from the adoring gaze of one Richard Castle. He watched as Kate walked to her desk, silently and gracefully accepting the greetings of her comrades with subtle nods. She needn't speak. Her eyes did that for her. She was grateful to be back among them, back home, amongst her family.

He stood leaning against the wall of the break-room, grateful himself for the chance to return – even if he did have to fight for it. He was glad that he gave her some space to readjust – reacclimatize – to _her_ space.

With what seemed like the softest touch, her hand glided over the arm of his chair, over the edge of her desk, before it came to a stop on her chair. A brief pause – maybe a short prayer – she turned, and sat and looked up. It didn't take long for her to hone in to his location by the door. Their mysterious magnetic pull was well alive. She cocked her head, motioning him to his chair, a small close-lipped smile gracing her face.

The boys did well in guarding his place at the precinct. It may have been insubordination to their new Captain, or maybe she didn't even care. But it certainly was their subtle way of proving their loyalty, of their approval of him as part of their family. It may be a small gesture, but it wasn't. It wasn't small at all.

Their team reformed. The broken wings healed.

And just like that, they were back.

Castle and Beckett, and their boys.

* * *

What comes easy isn't worth it and what's worth it doesn't come easy.

Nothing about them was easy.

As far as Castle went, the complication, aptly dubbed 'Iron Gates', was definitely difficult. She was part of the rare species that made him doubt the potency of his charm, but he wasn't anything if not persistent. If he could scale Beckett's walls, he could climb over some high-rising Gates.

He didn't have much time to think about Gates, though. Things were back to usual, with Beckett getting the weird cases.

* * *

There was the real-life vigilante – who by the end of their investigation ended up being another budding cop with a troubled past. Kate could identify with her. Empathize and advice. Castle could empathize with the writer who had fallen in love.

"A writer and his muse, fighting crime, just like us," he said, standing next to her as they watched the young couple leave.

The younger writer and his muse locked lips, just as the elevator doors started to close.

He felt the heat creep up his cheek. Convenient timing. He turned his head to hers, unable to ignore the feeling of her gaze on his, and did a double-take, a little bit surprised to see the teasing purse of her lips, and the ever poignant raise of her eyebrow. _Just like us?_

He cleared his throat, proudly managing a fairly even, "So, tomorrow?"

"Mhmm," she hummed, casting him one last amused glance, before she turned to walk away.

He was glad. He was a patient man, but it took all his will power not to drag her to the nearest empty stairwell. Or supply closet. Or several other places that made it to his mental catalogue.

* * *

They had a case straight out of a sci-fi show that had Castle excited.

Over the years, Kate had come to love a lot of things about Castle. His childlike enthusiasm was one of his most endearing qualities. It was brought to the fore while investigating the case that involved decapitated heads being frozen for the future.

Another one of his endearing qualities was his fatherly concern and love for his daughter. Alexis had applied to Stanford. And even though the decision was hers to make, she came to Kate for advice. Advice that Kate was happy to give. That Castle trusted her to give, though it was not always what he wanted to hear. Kate was glad she could be there for the father-daughter duo in what was obviously an important and difficult time for them.

It was around this time that Kate also realized that his hope – the optimism that was so inherent to him, that came off him in waves – had spread and found their way to her.

"Wouldn't it be something if they reunited a hundred or even a thousand years from now?" Castle had asked her, the thought both whimsical and romantic to his writer mind.

"Well, anything's possible," Kate had replied. It was a far cry from what her reaction would have been back in the day - an eye-roll of exasperation, a glare of annoyance, or even a plain dismissal.

"You really believe that?" he asked, slightly surprised.

She realized that she did. "That's what the great love stories are about, right?" she said, taking his hand in hers, stroking her thumb over his. "Beating the odds?"

"I hope they make it," he said, managing to sound both light, and intense.

"Me too."

_I hope we make it too._

Subtext. They shared an unspoken language that was just theirs.

* * *

As the weeks passed by quickly, Castle and Beckett learned even more about each other. Without pretenses and prejudices. Without needing to hold back.

Kate learned that Castle really considered the boys as part of his family, when he showed as much concern as she did, over the tough times that had befallen Ryan.

Castle learned that the scars Kate got, though healing, were not all gone. Though she would hesitate from time to time – as though she couldn't help it – she would ultimately be honest with him. She'd whisper it into his ear like a secret. Not a dirty little secret. Like a cherished one. _I love you_. She'd reaffirm, holding him close to her, breathing him in. And on his return, and reaffirmation, she'd smile a secret smile. _I know._

Kate learned that Castle could sometimes be a bumbling idiot. She herself was a little bit jealous and a whole lot possessive. She subtly let Serena Kaye know what was hers. Fortunately the boys were oblivious to the fact that Kate had taken to standing a little too close to Castle, or glaring at Serena if she directed anything at Castle; or that Castle had maintained at least a six foot radius distance from Serena at all times. And then the realization struck her, that it didn't seem that out of norm. She'd just not paid attention to what it had seemed like to everyone. The boys weren't oblivious. Castle and Beckett were obvious.

Castle learned not to poke his hands in places where they aren't meant to be when not in the confines of their bedroom. "Cas-," Kate gasped. The sound so familiar to his ears, that he momentarily forgot what they were doing not-in-their-bed. "I said legs." _What?_ He shook himself out of it. _Later._ "Oh, legs. Sorry." He wasn't sorry.

Kate learned she couldn't deny her need for him. Not when Trapper John threatened to paint a Jackson Pollock with her boyfriend's insides. Not when she had to go home to her boyfriend after promising him some alone time later if he helped Martha. Not when there was a chance of losing him. Losing her everything and always. Sometimes she felt guilty about selfishly letting him follow her around in her very dangerous job. She learned that he had a tendency of landing in danger anyway. They were better off together. Against everything the books said about negotiating with criminals and terrorists, Kate threatened to hunt Trapper John down and put a bullet through his skull. She would. Because Kate had accepted that she had the perfect partner – even though he didn't like doing paperwork. She did live up to her promise, and they ended up spending yet another night together. Intense moments where they both breathed each other in, exhaling the last of the dust that had almost taken away their future; turned seamlessly into intimate moments where they just held on to each other, held on to their salvaged future.

Castle learned that he couldn't fix all of her problems, no matter how badly he wanted to be the one to do so. He would always be there for her. When she ran away to the bottle – to the very thing that she had needed to save her father from – Castle ran after her. When she got hurt, Castle dressed her wounds with more gentleness than even he knew himself capable of. When she needed to dull the pain from the scar of her bullet, he stepped to the side, and let Esposito be the experienced healer. When she needed to dull the pain from her scars, he drove her to Dr. Burke. When she needed, Castle was there for her. And she recognized it. Said she owed him a hundred coffees. He said he'd settle for kisses. It was a debt she repaid happily.

Kate learned that they worked great as a team. That he was the yang to her yin. She learned that he wouldn't mind being hitched to her – in whichever sense of the term.

The whole team learned that being nauseatingly in love was not too bad. That Esposito loved his donuts. And that Ryan hated that he couldn't love them, out of love.

Castle learned that he could be blinded by his loyalty, and that sometimes that wasn't a good thing. But he also learned that the-job-is-everything-Beckett was loyal to him.

Kate learned to let go of her insecurities. When Sophia tried to insinuate that their romance would fizzle out, she was trying and failing at instigating her. Sophia was in for a rude surprise when Kate and Castle walked in, mouths fused, hand in hand – and kind of hand-on-woman – to his bedroom at the loft. And then she had underestimated them – the simple NYPD–just NY team lead to her downfall.

Castle learned that Kate would humor his mother for his sake. They were a package. He never had a doubt that she saw them as her family.

Kate learned that for all the taunts aimed Castle aimed at Martha, he loved her very much. Enough to read chic-lit.

Castle learned that secrets, like bombs, do explode. He was glad that he came clean to her about Smith. Even more so that she headed his pleas about stepping back. Investing together, but safely, and only once she was fully healed – Scars, PTSD, and all.

Kate learned that while Castle's jealousy over devilishly handsome Colin Hunt was cute, it was unfounded. She had eyes – and heart – just for Castle.

Castle learned that Kate, though half the size of Detective Ethan Slaughter, was ten times the person. She could protect herself. And she could protect him. _I'm going to marry her_ _someday._

Kate learned that she was ready. To tear down her walls that for so many years had trapped her soul. She realized that Castle was ready, too. For all his openness, he was as well-guarded as she. But it was time to cross the lines they'd been toeing anyway, and meet where their lifelines had finally united.

* * *

And when the case came that could potentially rip them apart, they were at the point that that was impossible. Kate and Castle were in love for a good four years. Who fell for whom first was up for debate. Whether it happened insidiously like the slow trail of an inevitable journey, or whether it happened suddenly like an epiphany; it had happened.

Castle, who had been there for the maddening, challenging, frustrating person that was Kate Beckett, continued to make his stand beside her. He brought her coffee every morning just to see a smile on her face. What was the cost of a coffee to him? Not even that much of an effort. But it was their thing. It always had been. It was a ritual of their love. She never took it for granted.

Kate knew that though it still felt sometimes like she was giving up control over the case that made her what she is today, that wasn't what it really was. She was sharing the burden. It was something that she had to learn to do, with Castle's help. But his unwavering faith in her abilities – in _her_ – removed all doubt from her mind that it was the right thing to do.

A long time ago, she'd confessed to him that she wouldn't have caught the man who killed her mother if it hadn't been for him. She'd told him then that someday she would catch the man who had her mother killed – and that she would want Castle there when she did. Little did she know how big a role he would end up playing.

They didn't quite catch the man responsible for destroying Kate's family. But they learned his name. Senator William Bracken. They got – in a manner of speaking – the man who shot Kate. It was good that he'd been incinerated to ashes before Castle had a chance to do anything that would jeopardize or taint their future because he was angry enough to have tried. Bracken still held an upper hand. He threatened Kate's family – the people she loved. It was a dumb thing to do, and she let him know as much. She left him a scar on his face. The face that he showed to the public – the lies that he spewed and people he fooled. She told him that she was done being afraid. It was his turn now.

Kate knew that it was a dangerous game. Her threat hinging on the scraps of salvaged paper that once carried significance – that Montgomery gave his life to save.

You don't make a deal with the devil and say you were only kidding.

But she wasn't kidding.

And she believed, thanks in no little measure to Richard Castle, that good would triumph over evil.

Castle and Beckett had a future to fight for.

* * *

**AN:** There you have it. Now marked complete. I hope you guys enjoyed that. Thanks for reading. Until next time!


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